I went on a bender last n …
I went on a bender last night …… Really need to stop sleeping with these futuristic robots!!
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
Cats and dogs will happil …
Cats and dogs will happily drink dirty water out of a puddle. Yet when Africans do it, I have to donate 2 a month.
Continue ReadingI’ve just got a job worki …
I’ve just got a job working for a well known computer firm, trying and testing all their console games. I must admit the interview process was difficult on so many levels.
Continue ReadingJust had a game of footba …
Just had a game of football with my furniture. It was a drawer.
Continue ReadingI’ve been thinking about …
I’ve been thinking about what I want played at my funeral and I’ve decided I’d like tennis, or cricket. Whoever wins can get the ashes.
Continue ReadingWhen I’m bored I like to …
When I’m bored I like to play a game with my deaf wife whilst she is hoovering. I unplug it and time how long it takes her to notice.
Continue ReadingI was sitting in traffic …
I was sitting in traffic the other day. Probably why I got run over.
Continue ReadingI’ve just seen the couple …
I’ve just seen the couple who won the Euromillions. They are fat and Scottish and old and look like they could be brother and sister and I’m not bitter in the slightest!
Continue ReadingElectrics really brighten …
Electrics really brighten up my day.
Continue ReadingI thought I recognised a …
I thought I recognised a girl in the pub last night that I hadn’t seen in years, so I went over and said, “You look like Helen Greene.” She said, “I look just as bad in yellow.”
Continue ReadingI was hiking through the …
I was hiking through the woods when I came face to face with bigfoot. “Do you mind if I fake a photo?” I asked him.
Continue ReadingI was watching a martial …
I was watching a martial arts programme last night. There was a part where the master was showing his students how powerful he was by extinguishing 3 candles with a punch. I thought to myself ‘I can do that just by blowing on them!’
Continue ReadingMy doctor told me I had p …
My doctor told me I had problems with my eyesight. I certainly didn’t see that coming.
Continue ReadingWhat does Stephen Hawking …
What does Stephen Hawking have in common with books? They both look worse with broken spines.
Continue ReadingI can’t remember the name …
I can’t remember the name of those cheesey crisps in a blue bag….. Wotsit called?
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