Anybody else listen to Ra …
Anybody else listen to Radio 1? I wish they had told us that Radio 1’s big weekend was on. They haven’t mentioned it once in the last two weeks.
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I’ve just sold my sole to …
I’ve just sold my sole to the devil. Ruined a good pair of trainers.
Continue ReadingHumpty Dumpty has been fo …
Humpty Dumpty has been found dead. Next of Kinder have been informed.
Continue ReadingSo Russel Crowe challenge …
So Russel Crowe challenged an Australian newspaper columnist to a cycle duel, and lost. He still beat her!
Continue ReadingI’ve got my skydiving ins …
I’ve got my skydiving instructor to help me fix a leaking sink. He’s going to teach me how to plummet.
Continue ReadingI was showing my girlfrie …
I was showing my girlfriend my amazing new magic watch the other day. “Look!” I said. “It says you don’t have any underwear on!” “But I do…” She replied. “Oh really? It must be 15 minutes fast then.”
Continue ReadingMy dream wife keeps telli …
My dream wife keeps telling me I fantasize too much
Continue ReadingBankers never die… They …
Bankers never die… They just lose interest.
Continue ReadingI saw a flock of baby fla …
I saw a flock of baby flamingo chicks being really naughty today. I think the parents need to put their foot down.
Continue ReadingMy nan always warned I sh …
My nan always warned I should be “wary of all men because they only want one thing.” Even though I’ve been married for over a year, I still can’t get the image of grandad holding a remote control out of my head.
Continue ReadingAll work and no play make …
All work and no play makes Jack, A valuable member of society.
Continue ReadingHow many Grateful Dead fa …
How many Grateful Dead fans does it take to change a lightbulb? They won’t change it, they’ll just wait for it to burnout and then follow it around for 40 years.
Continue ReadingWhat do you call it when …
What do you call it when someone can’t see, smell, hear, feel or speak? Nonsense.
Continue ReadingFacebook has started test …
Facebook has started testing a system that lets people pay to make their posts more visible on other people’s feeds. Bad news for fathers of teenage girls, then.
Continue ReadingMy wife says I’m a pessim …
My wife says I’m a pessimist and should stop being so negative all the time. God I have so many flaws.
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