My granddad was in the RA …
My granddad was in the RAF during the War. I think he was killed in India. I seem to remember my gran saying he fell out of a bomb bay door.
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My history teacher enjoye …
My history teacher enjoyed his birthday party, but I am still not sure he likes the present.
Continue ReadingBBC News: “Three-year-old …
BBC News: “Three-year-old girl rescued from Argentina well” I reckon i could have done it better.
Continue ReadingI just got fired from my …
I just got fired from my job at the abattoir. Apparently I took too much pleasure in killing small defenceless animals. So I got a new job in a Bradford abortion clinic.
Continue ReadingI’ve just been appointed …
I’ve just been appointed as the new chairman of the Vegetarian Society. My first job is to arrange the Annual General Quorning.
Continue ReadingI was quite surprised whe …
I was quite surprised when I read that The Sun is the nation’s favourite paper. I’ve always preferred Andrex.
Continue Readingbefore the drawingboard w …
before the drawingboard was invented, what did they go back to?
Continue ReadingNever mess with someone t …
Never mess with someone that has OCD. They just clean it all up.
Continue ReadingLoose Women: The most iro …
Loose Women: The most ironic name for a programme, ever.
Continue ReadingI bought a Tee-shirt with …
I bought a Tee-shirt with a big sad face on the front. I’m hoping that when I stop wearing it, it’ll hang itself
Continue ReadingApparently David Beckham …
Apparently David Beckham has been given a free transfer. He’s going to put it on his arm alongside his real tattoos
Continue ReadingI booked a hotel on the i …
I booked a hotel on the internet. It was advertised as being only a stone throw from the beach. I got there and all the windows were smashed.
Continue ReadingDilemma: An older mature …
Dilemma: An older mature woman or younger foxy girl? Clearly the latter. After all, Happy Meals are cheaper than Chardonnay.
Continue ReadingI saw this really cool ca …
I saw this really cool caterpillar earlier so I decided to take it home. The Mrs wasn’t too happy about having a 45 ton digger on the drive though.
Continue ReadingEU bureaucrats have banne …
EU bureaucrats have banned drink manufacturers from claiming that water can prevent dehydration. Definition of ‘hydrate’; to add water to. Timmeh!
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