“For God’s sake, I’m work …
“For God’s sake, I’m working Christmas day!” Said the vicar.
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I killed my brother whist …
I killed my brother whist I was drink driving. Golf ball right between the eyes.
Continue ReadingAs a burglar i have to sa …
As a burglar i have to say i am loving Apple and Facebooks latest partnership.
Continue ReadingLightning. Sporadic disap …
Lightning. Sporadic disappointment for moths.
Continue ReadingBrowsing a paleontology w …
Browsing a paleontology website today, one of the pages wouldn’t open. I think I’ve found a missing link.
Continue ReadingI was attacked by a tobac …
I was attacked by a tobacconist. I’ve still got the cigars to prove it.
Continue ReadingI walked in from work ear …
I walked in from work earlier and the wife asked me if I would start with the tea. So I squared up to the lamb chops.
Continue ReadingIf nuns have a religion, …
If nuns have a religion, do you think they are more stupid than they look.
Continue ReadingMy girlfriend is essentia …
My girlfriend is essentially quite an elaborately designed right hand.
Continue ReadingHow do you kill that whic …
How do you kill that which has no life? Cancel its World of Warcraft account.
Continue ReadingI got stopped by a police …
I got stopped by a policeman tonight. He said, “I’ve stopped you because I consider you to be a hazard to everyone else on the Motorway.” “Sorry” I muttered, “Was I breaking the law?” “Yes” he bellowed, “Now get off the bounce hopper.”
Continue ReadingI tried that speed readin …
I tried that speed reading today. Tomorrow Ill up the stakes and use heroin.
Continue ReadingJust been to Doncaster an …
Just been to Doncaster and seen a sign for EARTH CENTRE pointing left, surely it should have been pointing straight down?
Continue ReadingYou scratch my back and I …
You scratch my back and I’ll… probably have to lay low til the police conclude their DNA profiling.
Continue ReadingTips for blokes — How to …
Tips for blokes — How to clean a toilet: 1. Barrow cat from neighbour. 2. Pour soap into toilet. 3. Add cat and close lid. 4. Sit on lid. 5. Allow cat time to act. 6. Flush several times to rinse. 7. Raise lid and admire shine.
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