I’m giving away a puppet …
I’m giving away a puppet for free. No strings attached.
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
I was walking down the ro …
I was walking down the road when a man threw a small tin of cash at me. “That’s petty” I thought.
Continue ReadingI just fired a shotgun at …
I just fired a shotgun at my wife. She went up the wall.
Continue Reading. . . / – – – I regret wr …
. . . / – – – I regret writing that. Remorse Code
Continue ReadingI was going to use plasti …
I was going to use plasticine to make a model of Homer Simpson, but I changed my mind. I decided to use Play D’oh instead.
Continue ReadingThe fires in California a …
The fires in California are spreading, already killing 2 and threatening 100,000 homes. That’s what you get when you try to put the fire out with Marshmallows on sticks.
Continue ReadingI just phoned my local In …
I just phoned my local Indian restaurant and said, “Can I order a chicken madras, pilau rice, a naan bread and some samosas please.” “Are you going to be picking it up?” he asked. I said, “No mate, it gets too messy, I’ll use a fork.”
Continue ReadingI knew I bought a dodgy D …
I knew I bought a dodgy DVD player when it started playing up. Which was weird, considering I haven’t even got it on DVD.
Continue ReadingWhat do a short-sighted g …
What do a short-sighted gynaecologist and a dog have in common? They both have wet noses.
Continue ReadingI used to date a girl who …
I used to date a girl who loved smashing Disney Pixar DVDs all by herself… But she broke Up with me.
Continue ReadingI like to choke the chick …
I like to choke the chicken, bash the bishop and jerk the gherkin at every opportunity. I’m quickly running out of farms, churches and delicatessens that I’m not barred from.
Continue ReadingI’ve lost more friends on …
I’ve lost more friends on Facebook than I have in real life.
Continue Readingchocolate caramel digesti …
chocolate caramel digestives could life be sweeter
Continue ReadingJumped in the shower earl …
Jumped in the shower earlier. Didn’t know landing on a slippery surface was that hard.
Continue ReadingThe Theory of Relativity: …
The Theory of Relativity: Time moves more slowly when you are with your relatives.
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