I robbed a bank this morn …
I robbed a bank this morning. Got myself an otter and a couple of ducks.
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My wife said to me, “You’ …
My wife said to me, “You’ve put on loads of weight since I got throat cancer and lost my voice.” I said, “You can talk.”
Continue ReadingWhen a doctor remarked on …
When a doctor remarked on a new patient’s extraordinarily ruddy complexion, he said, “High blood pressure, Doc. It runs in my family.” “Your mother’s side or your father’s?” the doctor asked. “Neither,” the patient replied. “It’s from my wife’s family.” “Oh, come now,” said the doctor. “How could your wife’s family give you high blood […]
Continue ReadingJ K Rowling is planning t …
J K Rowling is planning two Harry Potter sequels where he re-enters the world of the Muggles: Harry Potter & the Tuition Fees of Inaffordability Harry Potter and the Unclimbable Housing Ladder
Continue ReadingI invented giraffes by up …
I invented giraffes by uppercutting horses.
Continue ReadingMy daughter was so upset …
My daughter was so upset when I got rid of her rocking horse. He’d just sit in his stable going back and forth and the vet said there was no cure for Equine Autism.
Continue ReadingI visited the moon last w …
I visited the moon last week and it didn’t have a good atmosphere and the people weren’t very down to earth
Continue ReadingI got sacked from my job …
I got sacked from my job at the local pet shop. I got caught with my hand in the trill.
Continue ReadingA study has found that Mo …
A study has found that Mothers have now started to drink breast milk. Looks like the cows want it back
Continue ReadingNote to self: Don’t post …
Note to self: Don’t post any “clever” jokes or ones with long words when the majority of users are likely to be Americans
Continue ReadingMy wife tried to humiliat …
My wife tried to humiliate me by pointing out my Pokemon obsession in front of our entire family. It was super effective.
Continue ReadingIf hungary was an African …
If hungary was an African country , it would be called Starving.
Continue ReadingA good woman is like a go …
A good woman is like a good loaf of bread She should have a bouncy body, not taste too yeasty and preferably she should be white.
Continue ReadingWalk in fridges. Pretty c …
Walk in fridges. Pretty cool.
Continue ReadingI was with my wife and a …
I was with my wife and a few friends before her big charity event today, and everyone was feeling quite nervous. I said, “You could cut the tension with a knife!” She freaked out and decided not to do the bungee jump.
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