“I have a split personali …
“I have a split personality” said Tom being frank.
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My dad is brilliant. He a …
My dad is brilliant. He always used to let me have a beer when my mum went out. For my 40th birthday he let me have two.
Continue ReadingI wound up my eldest son …
I wound up my eldest son last night by telling him I’m going to leave my entire estate to charity. I like to let let my heir down now and again.
Continue ReadingI have a phd in washing m …
I have a phd in washing machinery, people call me the spin doctor
Continue ReadingMy mate tried to give me …
My mate tried to give me a high-five while on the monkey bars today. I left him hanging
Continue ReadingI’m certainly no coward, …
I’m certainly no coward, if I’ve got something to say, I’ll say it to your facebook!
Continue ReadingMy fear of insomnia keeps …
My fear of insomnia keeps me awake at night.
Continue ReadingMy wife told me she was a …
My wife told me she was annoyed by my “lack of moral consistency,” and explained that I shouldn’t find offensive jokes, for example about domestic violence, acceptable while being outraged if someone posts a duplicate. Her remarks inspired this little number: What does the duplicate checker and my wife’s jaw have in common? They’re both […]
Continue ReadingIt’s not easy being a har …
It’s not easy being a hard man.
Continue ReadingMy mate’s got a Mirrored …
My mate’s got a Mirrored ceiling. Waste of newspaper if you ask me.
Continue ReadingI found graphs so hard to …
I found graphs so hard to understand, I could have killed my teacher. If only I knew how to use the axes.
Continue ReadingScience vs religion In Re …
Science vs religion In Religion, Buddha sits under a tree for 49 days and then realized that starving himself was a bad idea. In Science, Isaac Newton sits under a tree for 49 seconds, an apple fell on his head and he discovered gravity. Science definitely won that one.
Continue ReadingI have a question for all …
I have a question for all you French who think no one should be allowed to wear a veil at work. …what about bee keepers?
Continue ReadingYou can’t beat a poached …
You can’t beat a poached egg Well you can but it will be a scrambled egg.
Continue ReadingI like my new optician, s …
I like my new optician, she’s easy on the eye.
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