Earlier this year a woman …
Earlier this year a woman was caught throwing a cat in a wheelie bin and today I found 3 flies and a wasp in one! What is wrong with society today?
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During the Second World W …
During the Second World War, my grandfather couldn’t stop scribbling. He got hit by the Doodlebug.
Continue ReadingThe Police stopped me in …
The Police stopped me in the car earlier. “Couldn’t help noticing your dog sir.” “With his head stuck out of the window?” I replied, “All dogs love doing that in the car.” “Very true sir,” he nodded, “Just never seen one do it whilst he was driving before.”
Continue ReadingMidgets are no longer get …
Midgets are no longer getting served in my local. They say it’s discrimination, but I think that the pub’s just raising the bar.
Continue ReadingI love the sense of irony …
I love the sense of irony that we have in Britain although it does have one unfortunate drawback. Cher Lloyd now has a number one single.
Continue ReadingThe midget human cannonba …
The midget human cannonball missed his target killing the bearded lady in the process. It was a freak accident.
Continue Readingi went bobsleighing the …
i went bobsleighing the other day! i killed hollness, monkhouse and that builder chap!
Continue ReadingMy wife left me the other …
My wife left me the other day because of my obsession with playing cards. I told her I’m dealing with it.
Continue ReadingFriends: Gods apology for …
Friends: Gods apology for relations.
Continue ReadingAfter saying I didn’t wan …
After saying I didn’t want to go and see my mother-in-law in hospital, my wife said I needed to sort my priorities out. So I filed for divorce, got drunk and went to watch the football.
Continue ReadingAfter setting the orphana …
After setting the orphanage on fire, I stood back and watched the kids clawing and scrambling to get out the front door, pushing, shoving, even trampling over one another. Children can be so cruel.
Continue ReadingChange the way you feel.. …
Change the way you feel…………….use the backs of your fingers
Continue ReadingFormer England goalkeeper …
Former England goalkeeper Peter Shilton has been capped 125 times. I suspect his dentist was able to retire early.
Continue ReadingI knew a guy who despaire …
I knew a guy who despaired and committed suicide by putting his head in a hydraulic press. People tried to reason with him but in the end he was just too narrow minded.
Continue ReadingI hate jokes that rely on …
I hate jokes that rely on visual imagery. I’ve had it right up to here with them.
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