My great-grandparents are …
My great-grandparents are pretty average really.
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Apparently when a profess …
Apparently when a professor asks you what came first, the chicken or the egg, suggesting ‘IVF treatment’ is neither clever nor funny.
Continue ReadingI went to see a tarot car …
I went to see a tarot card reader the other day. I said It’s my birthday can you tell me what the cards say. She said To John, Happy Birthday.
Continue ReadingAs I walked through the a …
As I walked through the airport clutching a big bag of cocaine, I could see that I was approaching a policeman with a sniffer dog. So I quickly shoved it inside my jacket and carried on walking. “Stop right there!” he shouted. “Is there a problem officer?” I asked. He said, “Yes, you’ve just stolen […]
Continue ReadingI’m guessing they tried t …
I’m guessing they tried to kill Joss Stone with scissors. Everyone knows you need paper to beat Stone.
Continue ReadingApparently, when two wome …
Apparently, when two women live together, their periods can become synchronised. I found that out from two girls who share a pad.
Continue ReadingIf there’s one thing you …
If there’s one thing you should know about me It’s that I like people to know one thing about me.
Continue ReadingMy granddad bet me I coul …
My granddad bet me I couldn’t break his walking stick in under 5 minutes. So I snapped it in two
Continue ReadingI felt too ill to make it …
I felt too ill to make it to my work at the Samaritan so rang in sick to explain I couldn’t come in. They convinced me otherwise.
Continue ReadingMy idea for a new busines …
My idea for a new business has been a disaster. But when I think about it now, a Cash For Gold service in Australia probably wasn’t the greatest plan.
Continue ReadingWhy did Emile Heskey cros …
Why did Emile Heskey cross the road? Because he missed the bus
Continue ReadingI’m not arrogant. I’m ac …
I’m not arrogant. I’m actually just better than everybody else.
Continue ReadingDead women never say no.. …
Dead women never say no…..
Continue ReadingI have started a pressure …
I have started a pressure group to get ambiguous words removed from the dictionary. We meet biweekly
Continue ReadingThis year, there is no ex …
This year, there is no excuse for people to say they haven’t been able to get that beach body they’ve wanted this summer. I’ve put a little flag in the sand on top of each one I buried. There’s hundreds. You’re welcome.
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