My wife wanted to name ou …
My wife wanted to name our new dog ‘On’. So I called it off.
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I get cheap cigarettes fr …
I get cheap cigarettes from the Asian bloke that lives at the end of my street. His nickname is Bacci Stan.
Continue Reading“Where are you going to t …
“Where are you going to take me for my Birthday?” my wife asked. I said, “You know that expensive restaurant down the road?” “Yeah!!” she replied. “Well, there’s an amazing kebab shop next to it…”
Continue ReadingI was on my way home from …
I was on my way home from work, when the Mrs decide to ring. ”On your way home, pick something up for tea” So, I bought her a kettle.
Continue ReadingMy wife’s got a new job w …
My wife’s got a new job with a home delivery company, but she’s struggling with its demands. ‘You really have to drive yourself to do it,’ I said.
Continue ReadingI gift wrapped a baseball …
I gift wrapped a baseball bat with birthday paper and ribbons. My girlfriend didn’t really know what hit her.
Continue ReadingI noticed that I constant …
I noticed that I constantly narrated my life in my head, when I thought “I noticed that I constantly narrated my life in my head…”
Continue ReadingDid you hear about the ma …
Did you hear about the man who bought a sleeping bag? He spent 3 hours trying to wake it up.
Continue ReadingThe first rule of Animal …
The first rule of Animal Abusers Club is: you do not let the cat out of the bag.
Continue ReadingThey say the chance of a …
They say the chance of a girl beating anorexia is very slim.
Continue Reading“I’d love to smash your b …
“I’d love to smash your back doors in” i said to my new neighbour as she was moving her stuff in. she went quiet and blushed as I checked how much her TV would fetch on my new Ebay app
Continue ReadingI just found a note that …
I just found a note that says “Dial-a-Party” and a phone number. I believe this calls for a celebration.
Continue ReadingI don’t get jokes about B …
I don’t get jokes about Botox, a bit high brow for me.
Continue ReadingMy mate said ‘Someone nee …
My mate said ‘Someone needs to eat the last tortilla or I’ll get in trouble’. So I took the wrap for him.
Continue ReadingMy Grandad always said, ” …
My Grandad always said, “Don’t watch your money; watch your health.” So one day, while I was watching my health, someone stole my money. It was my Grandad.
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