I was listening to Radio …
I was listening to Radio 5 Lives Wimbledon Coverage. That lesbian Clair Balding saying “Safina is pumping her fist hard at her box”. Radio does not always paint the perfect picture!
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I don’t know why the Aust …
I don’t know why the Australians are getting so upset about their floods. It’s just a bit of light relief.
Continue Reading2 out of 5 people are irr …
2 out of 5 people are irrational.
Continue ReadingI used to be scared about …
I used to be scared about digging for coal but now I have bigger phobias. So that’s just a miner one.
Continue ReadingAll day today I’ve been i …
All day today I’ve been in the park flashing at kids I love my new camera
Continue ReadingI had trouble getting ont …
I had trouble getting onto my website earlier so I called my mate who was an IT technician. “Have you tried disabling cookies?” he said. “Well I once bit the legs off a gingerbread man…”
Continue ReadingVampires won’t bother wit …
Vampires won’t bother with Keith Richards. You can’t get blood from a stone.
Continue ReadingI got a 24 hour clock fro …
I got a 24 hour clock from a car boot for only 10p. They’ll be so mad, it’s lasted far longer
Continue ReadingMy wife told me to quit m …
My wife told me to quit my obsession with chip shop jokes… …needless to say I battered her!
Continue ReadingWhat do you call a Mexica …
What do you call a Mexican who lost his car? Carlos.
Continue ReadingI hate when people say th …
I hate when people say things and don’t explain it properly, just like last Thursday.
Continue ReadingI like to think Im techno …
I like to think Im technologically savvy, I don’t dry my washing in the tumble dryer anymore, I do it all online.
Continue ReadingGot my own back today! H …
Got my own back today! Had to paint some lines for the car park at the toaster factory. Made them all just a little bit to small to fit a car in.
Continue ReadingMy mate Dave is ambidextr …
My mate Dave is ambidextrous well, that’s not completely right
Continue ReadingI went to a bed shop and …
I went to a bed shop and said, “I would like to buy a mattress.” The cashier said, “A spring mattress?” I said, “Well I was hoping for one I could use all year round.”
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