Looking at the two finali …
Looking at the two finalists in the masters snooker, reminds me of the sound my microwave makes.
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A new record has been bro …
A new record has been broken for the worlds shortest man. He’s Arthur Meter.
Continue ReadingOk, so this girl on Faceb …
Ok, so this girl on Facebook posted a status which read: “How can I get rid of this morning sickness?” Turns out replying, “Try a coat hanger” is a good way to get yourself deleted.
Continue ReadingAn empty web browser hist …
An empty web browser history is a sure sign of guilt.
Continue ReadingMy girlfriend had a job t …
My girlfriend had a job testing chocolate body cream, It made her very rich.
Continue ReadingFelix the cat, he’ll get …
Felix the cat, he’ll get a furry tongue.
Continue ReadingWhen Jonathan Ross signed …
When Jonathan Ross signed up for a Twitter account, he was asked why. “I just wanted to tweet myself”, he said.
Continue ReadingMy wife accused me of hav …
My wife accused me of having an affair, so I took a lie detector. All I’ve got do now is hide it before she makes me use it and finds out the truth.
Continue ReadingWhen we broke up my wife …
When we broke up my wife said she wanted to split everything straight down the middle. Yet she cried like a baby when I dropped half of the cat on her doorstep.
Continue ReadingMy son really annoys me w …
My son really annoys me when he’s dunking his biscuits. I wouldn’t mind but he’s got crumbs all over the basketball court.
Continue ReadingI have really cheesy feet …
I have really cheesy feet. The other day I found them in the living room watching Glee.
Continue ReadingLet me tell you, it wasn’ …
Let me tell you, it wasn’t easy. There were ants, flies and dirt everywhere. I thought “Eating on a blanket under a tree is no picnic”.
Continue ReadingP. Swayze. He’s missing a …
P. Swayze. He’s missing atrick.
Continue ReadingAttending a convention, t …
Attending a convention, three psychiatrists go for a stroll during a lunch break. “People are always coming to us with their guilts and fears,” one of them says, “but we have no one to go to with our problems. Since we’re all professionals, why don’t we hear each other out right now?” They all agree […]
Continue ReadingI went to play golf with …
I went to play golf with the guys from work. Just as we got to the first hole my boss asked, “Have you brought your tee?” I said, “Nah, I’ll have it when I get home.”
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