I saw a little black girl …
I saw a little black girl in distress yesterday. So I made her take it off.
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My mate bet me a tenner h …
My mate bet me a tenner he could keep me trapped inside my house all day. He’s made it harder by locking all the doors, but I still think I’ll window.
Continue ReadingMy wife said “I’m leaving …
My wife said “I’m leaving you for another woman” I said “But i’m a man”
Continue ReadingHaving too many vowels is …
Having too many vowels is a consonant struggle in a game of Scrabble.
Continue ReadingI’ll never forgive my fat …
I’ll never forgive my father for the mug he gave me on my birthday. I’d much rather have inherited my mother’s features.
Continue ReadingHands down, that was my w …
Hands down, that was my worst ever puppet show performance.
Continue ReadingIt was lucky that I went …
It was lucky that I went to see a fortune teller today. She warned me that somebody was going to swindle me. I was more than happy to pay for that kind of information.
Continue ReadingMy wife told me to lighte …
My wife told me to lighten up the other day. “You’re always so stiff and formal.” I can tell you the defecation certainly encountered the rotary oscillator.
Continue ReadingParents, please stop usin …
Parents, please stop using your kids as your profile picture on Facebook. I don’t like sending raunchy messages to you.
Continue ReadingI’ve just seen a picture …
I’ve just seen a picture of Alan Carr with his face in a chocolate cake. It would appear the poof is in the pudding.
Continue ReadingWhat with the increasing …
What with the increasing number of people getting cremated I can’t help but think. The inventor of the coffin must be spinning in his grave.
Continue ReadingWhy do hedgehogs curl up …
Why do hedgehogs curl up in a ball? Because that’s just the way they roll.
Continue ReadingI love the way garages le …
I love the way garages leave black buckets outside for your dead flowers.
Continue ReadingScience: when a fat woman …
Science: when a fat woman lies down on a bed, the mattress is depressed.
Continue ReadingI used to be scared of Mr …
I used to be scared of Mr T… Until I found out he was into Warcraft.
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