Black holes: what you get …
Black holes: what you get in black socks.
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
My favourite hobby is…S …
My favourite hobby is…Standing in ASDA’s fresh produce section holding a tube of K-Y Jelly looking contemplative
Continue ReadingI just stole the vicar’s …
I just stole the vicar’s paper. Well, technically it was The Sun of a preacher man.
Continue ReadingMy girlfriend was furious …
My girlfriend was furious with me today for using her hair straighteners. I didn’t need to straighten my hair, I just wanted to grill one fish finger.
Continue ReadingA dictionary walks into a …
A dictionary walks into a bar. He goes up to the barman and bursts into tears. “What’s wrong?” Asks the barman. “I’m crying my eyes out here and all you care about is using me for definitions!”
Continue ReadingArchaeologists have just …
Archaeologists have just discovered part of, what is believed to be, a door in Wiltshire. It’s a stone hinge.
Continue ReadingI’ve just finished readin …
I’ve just finished reading a magazine. It was OK.
Continue ReadingThe KFC family bucket mus …
The KFC family bucket must be huge in Norwich.
Continue ReadingIf spare ribs are spare, …
If spare ribs are spare, how come my local Chinese restaurant charges a fortune for them?
Continue ReadingI hate living in a hard w …
I hate living in a hard water area.. Or Iceland as they call it.
Continue ReadingWhat’s the difference bet …
What’s the difference between Hitler and Paula Radcliffe? Hitler tried to finish the race.
Continue ReadingNews: “The Tate Modern …
News: “The Tate Modern has removed a nude photo of actress Brooke Shields aged 10 from its new exhibition over fears it will be a gathering place for paedophiles”. Okay guys I’m sorry but the minibuses wont be picking you all up now, your 5 deposit will be returned in the post shortly.
Continue ReadingA Jew walked into a libra …
A Jew walked into a library to borrow a book, but couldn’t find anything that generated enough interest.
Continue ReadingI was selling polo shirts …
I was selling polo shirts down the Market yesterday when some bloke came up to me and said ” you got lacoste mate?” I said, 15 quid each or 2 for 25.
Continue ReadingAs I lay there in intensi …
As I lay there in intensive care, I realised ‘the bigger they are, the harder they fall’ was a little wide of the mark, and ‘the bigger they are, the harder they punch’ is a far more accurate idiom.
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