Whoever says that its not …
Whoever says that its not the winning its the taking part that counts has obviously never played russian roulette.
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
Went to a French restaura …
Went to a French restaurant last night and ordered Snails Waiter said They are on there way sir I said oh, well I’ll have something else then
Continue ReadingIt’s a lot of peoples dre …
It’s a lot of peoples dream to have a one night stand. Granted, a lot of those people don’t have any legs.
Continue ReadingWhoever said “nothing las …
Whoever said “nothing lasts forever” obviously hasn’t tried masturbating over Susan Boyle!
Continue ReadingI remember when I was dia …
I remember when I was diagnosed colourblind, it was completely unexpected, out of the purple.
Continue ReadingDyson airblade, the futur …
Dyson airblade, the future doesn’t suck. It blows
Continue ReadingI work on the end of the …
I work on the end of the production line at the U.S. Bureau of printing and engraving. The buck stops with me.
Continue ReadingI’m more confused than pr …
I’m more confused than predictive text on a dyslexics phone.
Continue ReadingSo, I was talking to 17th …
So, I was talking to 17th century French philosopher Rene Descartes the other day and I said “Rene, I think that your Cartesian Geometry is irrevelevant to everyday life.” He started to reply “Well, I don’t think…” But then he vanished.
Continue ReadingMy friend was explaining …
My friend was explaining the meaning of irony to me when he suddenly got hit by an ambulance. I’m still none the wiser.
Continue ReadingI was looking through the …
I was looking through the Auto Trader at cars trying to decide what car we should get next. My wife said, “Why don’t we get an Estate for the dogs?” I said, “What for? They can’t drive.”
Continue ReadingWhere would you find a bl …
Where would you find a black Jewish tramp? Stealing from the bargain bin.
Continue ReadingTomorrow on Famous and Fe …
Tomorrow on Famous and Fearless, one of the ‘scary challenges’ is where the celebrities have to close their eyes and randomly select a Revel. Imagine what would happen if someone got a coffee? Thank God Chris Evans will be there to drag it out for the rest of my life.
Continue Reading9 out of 10 people believ …
9 out of 10 people believe that if there are ten people, one will always disagree with the other nine.
Continue ReadingI did not understand iron …
I did not understand irony until I met a girl down our chip shop and she swears she is Kirsty McColl
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