I had a fight with Dracul …
I had a fight with Dracula last night and he punched me unconscious to the floor. I was completely out for the Count.
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Kate Middleton walks into …
Kate Middleton walks into a library and asks ” I need a book on how to keep a happy marriage.” The librarien replies ” Yeah its just through the back door.”
Continue ReadingIf you quit your job as a …
If you quit your job as a barber. Do you get a leaving do?
Continue ReadingI went to the petrol stat …
I went to the petrol station the other day and I said to the cashier, “Have you got any Twix?” “Yes,” he replied and started juggling.
Continue ReadingI was standing in the que …
I was standing in the queue today in Asda and a voice announced, “Checkout number 45, please.” I’ve seen better.
Continue ReadingWhenever I’m down in the …
Whenever I’m down in the dumps, I get myself a new hat. They smell a bit but at least they’re free.
Continue ReadingMy wife is reading Fifty …
My wife is reading Fifty Shades Of Grey. She has borrowed her sisters battered old copy. In fact there is so much of her batter on it when you open the front cover it goes to page 58.
Continue ReadingMy Dad drove his car into …
My Dad drove his car into a wall at the weekend. Witnesses left cards and flowers tied to the goalposts.
Continue ReadingI never apologise. I’m so …
I never apologise. I’m sorry, but that’s just the way I am.
Continue ReadingMy neighbour thinks he’s …
My neighbour thinks he’s so great, I decided to demolish his washing line. That knocked him down a peg or two.
Continue ReadingHow come the BBC is the …
How come the BBC is the only outlet that seems unaware that one of their news teams is being beaten and detained in Lybia? Suppose the answer is in the question.
Continue ReadingMy friend an I were flyin …
My friend an I were flying to Nairobi, “I’m quite worried about communicating out here” I said, “Yeah, I think we need to learn some of the language, how’s your Kenyan?” He replied, “I’ve no idea, he’s at home. In his box”.
Continue ReadingThe wife just said, “Why …
The wife just said, “Why do you always show me disapproval using facial expressions?” “That’s how, eye-roll.” I replied
Continue ReadingTwo grains of sand in the …
Two grains of sand in the desert, turn to each other and say, “Busy here, innit?”
Continue ReadingIs it just me or is Hanna …
Is it just me or is Hannah Montana getting on a bit now?
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