I originally wrote my novel with a start, a middle and an ending. It got rejected fourteen times. So I rewrote it, putting half the middle first, then the start, followed by the ending and finished with the rest of the middle. It was the same story, just told unintelligibly. It’s now been published for […]
Continue ReadingI said to my wife today: “You’re like a dandelion” She said: “Why? Because i’m pretty and remind you of summer”? I said, “No, because you want your head blowing off”
Continue ReadingLost my job at McDonalds yesterday. Management seems to have a different definition of seeded bun.
Continue ReadingYou cant beat Sickipedia for the fastest current event jokes. Im looking forward to logging on from prison and reading all the jokes about my neighbours children.
Continue ReadingConfucius say he who seeks a good sandwich should date a girl from subways.
Continue ReadingI know my father will always be looking down on me. He’s seven foot four.
Continue ReadingDear ITV, I have had a brilliant idea for a TV show while I was at a friends barbeque watching the England v Germany game. The ITV could do a program for every time England need to do a squad selection for a football game. It would be exactly the same format as the current […]
Continue ReadingThis morning, I put my shoes on the wrong feet. I just wish I could remember whose feet they were.
Continue ReadingI’ve just failed my driving test! Apparently, cheap eggs and veg are not what you should look out for up a country lane.
Continue ReadingChecking into “Maddie’s Hide Out” on Facebookis a good way to get your self deleted.
Continue ReadingThe irony, Jade Goody’s husbands new show ‘super daddy’ is airing on Living TV.. Who said TV didn’t have a sense of humour?
Continue ReadingWhilst outside a night club I overheard a bouncer saying that he would fight anybody for 200. I said, “I’ll give you a run for your money mate”. He said, “Come on then!” I said, “Okay fatty, first one to the tree wins”.
Continue ReadingMy wife said to me I wish you’d play with me like you do those video games. So I shot her in the face with an AK-47.
Continue Reading“the worst way to stop a bullet is with your head” -Abraham Lincon
Continue ReadingI met a guy the other day who said his name was ‘Ian Smith’ I said ‘I don’t believe you’ He asked ‘Why not?’ I said ‘Because there is no ‘e’ in ‘Smith’.
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