I pulled a big fat bird last night and took her back to mine. I left the T.V on all night and was awoken by the teletubbies theme tune. She said to me “I can’t believe I have been woken by the teletubbies” I said: “I know, how ironic; ‘Time for tubby bye bye.’”
Continue ReadingI went to a global warming conference the other day, never going again, the atmosphere was terrible
Continue ReadingDropped my phone down the toilet. Thankfully it’s a Nokia so it didn’t flush.
Continue ReadingSo bored. Tempted to turn myself in for murder I didnt commit, then plead not guilty
Continue ReadingAs a rule at my Newsagents. I don’t serve Bus drivers who don’t have the right change.
Continue ReadingWhat has 2 legs in the morning, 27 legs in the afternoon and 58 legs in the evening? A man who has decided to collect legs.
Continue ReadingWhile in the pub talking to my mate I said to him “Last night was awfull, I had a slight tickle in my throat but I couldn’t cough incase I woke the missus” “Sounds like you’re under the thumb, mate” he said. I replied “Oh nothing like that, I had the tele on mute while […]
Continue ReadingIrony. Women moaning they spend too much time in the kitchen, and then wanting to spend all of Sunday walking around MFI.
Continue ReadingDid you know that the mobile phone is the only thing in the world which blokes argue over who’s got the smallest?
Continue ReadingIsn’t it ironic when it’s the price of onions that makes you cry?
Continue ReadingWhats a drug users favourite type of video game? Shoot em ups.
Continue ReadingA bit of advice: never read a pop-up book about giraffes.
Continue ReadingDear Subway, We are losing 2-0 and getting played off the park, what sub have you got for that? Regards, Chris Houghton Newcastle United manager
Continue ReadingFailed English? That’ll learn ya
Continue ReadingHas one heard of the signifance of the letters c, t, s and q? It appears they are inconsequential
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