If I ever found out I onl …
If I ever found out I only had a week to live and could go anywhere in the world… I think I’d go to the hospital, because it sounds serious.
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I’m bone idle. I’m not l …
I’m bone idle. I’m not lazy, I just can’t get an erection.
Continue ReadingMy wife says I’m nothing …
My wife says I’m nothing but a bare faced liar, so I’ve grown a beard.
Continue ReadingJust won the World Mute C …
Just won the World Mute Championships. I have no words to describe it.
Continue ReadingI’ve noticed one side of …
I’ve noticed one side of my house is warmer than the other. It’s much colder on the outside.
Continue ReadingI really enjoy April Show …
I really enjoy April Showers. I’m just glad she’s into water sports.
Continue ReadingI think my wife has caugh …
I think my wife has caught me defying the government. I overheard her on the phone saying she found me revolting.
Continue ReadingMy wife died from somethi …
My wife died from something terminal. I pushed her off a roof at Heathrow Airport.
Continue ReadingFacebook is like jail, yo …
Facebook is like jail, you sit around and waste time, write on walls, and get poked by people you don’t know
Continue ReadingWhat’s the difference bet …
What’s the difference between Jade Goody and Abdelbaset Ali al-Megrahi? Max Clifford.
Continue ReadingI went for a job intervie …
I went for a job interview. The interviewer told me I would earn 1200 per month. Then after six months I would be on 1400 per month. I told him I’d start in six months time.
Continue ReadingAn apple a day keeps the …
An apple a day keeps the doctor away. That is, unless you choke on it.
Continue ReadingI was sacked as a club re …
I was sacked as a club rep in Ibiza because of my poor attendance and continous lying. I couldn’t help it if I was snowed in.
Continue ReadingI saw a sign that said ” …
I saw a sign that said ”Stay away from Cliff edge.” I’ve never met him but he sounds horrible.
Continue ReadingI hit a man with a baseba …
I hit a man with a baseball bat yesterday, he’s got two broken arms… Which is what gave me the courage in the first place.
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