Isn’t every bike an exerc …
Isn’t every bike an exercise bike?
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I think I’m going to have …
I think I’m going to have an Indian tonight. Whether she likes it or not.
Continue ReadingMy missus hated stubble, …
My missus hated stubble, so before a family dinner on her birthday I totally clean-shaved. At dinner I announced, “Hey, I shaved completely for you for your birthday.” And she replied, in front of my Dad, “Oooh, me too!”
Continue ReadingWomen’s football is like …
Women’s football is like horse racing with cows
Continue ReadingI’m being hounded by a Lu …
I’m being hounded by a Lulu impersonator who sings down the phone to me. It makes me wanna shout.
Continue ReadingI’m all for blokes growin …
I’m all for blokes growing a moustache for Movember. But did my wife have to join in.
Continue ReadingI hate walking through re …
I hate walking through revolving doors at hotels. I’m always left feeling disappointed when I emerge and I’m not dressed as a Super Hero.
Continue ReadingAn old friend dropped by …
An old friend dropped by and we talked about the past while looking through our college yearbook. I pointed out the three girlfriends I banged. He beat me though when he listed his sixteen scores. I would have won but medical cadavers don’t count.
Continue ReadingSome scientists say one a …
Some scientists say one atom could contain it’s own whole universe, and that our little fingers could contain billions of universes! Well, if scientists say that our universe is expanding, we’re obviously in the little finger of some American somewhere…
Continue ReadingMy daughter screamed when …
My daughter screamed when I did her hair up in pigtails. She doesn’t want to visit the abattoir again.
Continue ReadingBBC NEWS ‘Boy detained fo …
BBC NEWS ‘Boy detained for Facebook murder’ What did he do? Poke him to death?
Continue ReadingIceland are now selling b …
Iceland are now selling boxes of ‘authentic Gregg’s Sausage Rolls’ from the freezer cabinet. They can’t really be authentic though, otherwise they’d be lukewarm at one end.
Continue ReadingMy wife asked if i could …
My wife asked if i could go on top tonight because she wanted a change. I love London double decker buses.
Continue ReadingIt’s rude to talk while I …
It’s rude to talk while I’m interrupting.
Continue ReadingI want my children to hav …
I want my children to have all the things i couldn’t afford. Then I’ll move back in with them.
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