The first rule of tautolo …
The first rule of tautology club is the first rule of tautology club.
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DFS Sale: ‘Don’t Pay Any …
DFS Sale: ‘Don’t Pay Any Interest’. Ok then I won’t, when I need a new sofa I’ll just walk past without looking.
Continue ReadingBBC News: News of the wor …
BBC News: News of the world folded I wouldn’t worry, this happens all the time.
Continue ReadingIf there’s one job thats …
If there’s one job thats suitable for me it’s an auctioneer. I know lots.
Continue Reading43 dead, while 75 left se …
43 dead, while 75 left seriously injured after a Dr Pepper lorry crashed into primary school. I’m pretty sure that’s the worst that could’ve happened.
Continue ReadingGetting on the bus I real …
Getting on the bus I realised that there were no seats left for me to sit on, so reluctantly I had to hold tightly onto one of those poles for the entire journey. I wasn’t happy about it. Then again, I doubt he was thrilled about it.
Continue ReadingI went on a date last wee …
I went on a date last week, and at the end of the evening she promised to kiss me if I stood on one leg. I haven’t heard a thing from her ever since? We must have got off on the wrong foot
Continue ReadingHow do you make an apple …
How do you make an apple puff? Chase it round the garden.
Continue ReadingDrunk facebooking is like …
Drunk facebooking is like a fat chick, we know we shouldn’t do it but when its put there in front of you it’s a different story and either way you wake up the next morning thinking oh god what have I done
Continue ReadingApparently Barack Obama i …
Apparently Barack Obama is going to Camp David for Christmas. Is that a place or a person?
Continue ReadingI’m pretty sure that a ci …
I’m pretty sure that a city built on rock and roll would be fairly structurally unsound…
Continue ReadingI’m having difficulty fin …
I’m having difficulty finding motivation… but it must be in this dictionary somewhere.
Continue ReadingA cowboy walks into a Ger …
A cowboy walks into a German car showroom and he says “Audi!”
Continue ReadingMy jokes are a lot like t …
My jokes are a lot like the Queen it’s just waiting to be buried by a racist.
Continue ReadingI told my daughter I woul …
I told my daughter I would buy her the new Apple product for her birthday. iLied.
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