My wife’s been around the …
My wife’s been around the block a few times. I cut the brake pipes on her car last night.
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
“Have it your way” is the …
“Have it your way” is the Burger King slogan, Apparently doggy style with the lady on checkout was the wrong interpretation of this.
Continue ReadingThe other day, I decided …
The other day, I decided to get my girlfriend pregnant to save money. I mean, do you know how expensive milk is these days!?
Continue ReadingMy boss delivered a rivet …
My boss delivered a riveting demonstration at work today. But he broke the rivet gun halfway through and just had to explain the rest
Continue Readingturns out my statistics t …
turns out my statistics teacher has the same birthday as me……….. what are the odds?
Continue ReadingMy son talks to invisible …
My son talks to invisible animals. I think they’re his menagerie friends.
Continue ReadingLast night I had a chicke …
Last night I had a chicken strip. It took some convincing but after ten minutes it was totally naked.
Continue ReadingI saw a bloke being compl …
I saw a bloke being completely henpecked by his girlfriend on The Jeremy Kyle Show. You could really see who wears the tracksuit bottoms in their relationship.
Continue ReadingThe other week I went to …
The other week I went to a National Birds of Prey centre and saw a variety of hawks, eagles and owls.When we left my girlfriend asked me which bird was my favourite. I said “The one with the mini skirt and nice cleavage” I’m now single
Continue ReadingI just found that lost th …
I just found that lost thesaurus and I am unambiguously rhapsodic!
Continue ReadingIf there is a god he took …
If there is a god he took the Mick out of my family. Not that I’m bothered. I have bad memories of my uncle Michael and his magic sausage.
Continue ReadingAll these women reading 5 …
All these women reading 50 Shades of Grey, if you’re that into submission, humiliation and whips. Why not become a Lib Dem MP?
Continue ReadingI keep chickens in my bac …
I keep chickens in my back garden and I noticed they were looking a bit dirty so I got the hose out and gave them a rinse off. It certainly ruffled a few feathers.
Continue ReadingI’ve been searching the l …
I’ve been searching the local field all day for my dog today, but nothing. I feel so sorry for him. Tomorrow I’m going to nail postersto trees with a message saying, ‘Have you seen a red squeaky ball?’
Continue ReadingI’ve been bored recently …
I’ve been bored recently so I’ve decided to take up fencing. The neighbours say they will call the police unless I put it back.
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