Author: qjoq.com

My son was doing his physics homework when he asked me what gross weight means. “Any bird over 10 stone” I said.

Mr and Mrs Lemma are in two minds whether to name their daughter Di.

When cooking a quick snack, you just can’t beat a egg.

I’ve crossed a spirit level with a funeral. Sad but true.

I’ve just bought a copy of my own autobiography. That says a lot about me as a person.

I was in a car with a friend in Germany when he took an odd road. “Hey,” I said, “this isn’t the way home.” “Vee need sausage!” he claimed. I guess he took a turn for the wurst.

It was ten years to this day my son Lancelot died in a horrible riding accident. I’ll never forget that knight.

Last night I got absolutely trollied…. By this I mean, some stranger inserted a pound into my mouth and loaded his goods inside me.

My wife gets sick of me saying useless palindromes all the time…. I said, “No, Mel Gibson is a casinos big lemon….”