A plane crash is no laugh …
A plane crash is no laughing matter. On other websites.
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
If there was slightly wid …
If there was slightly wider bottleneck of Jack Daniel’s bottle, I swear to God I would never marry anyone.
Continue ReadingSecret admirer – Stalker …
Secret admirer – Stalker with stationery.
Continue ReadingI went to a party last ni …
I went to a party last night and got talking to a Policeman. Sounds far better than arrested, doesn’t it?
Continue ReadingLogged onto sickipedia an …
Logged onto sickipedia and got greeted with, “Welcome back UnluckyFriedKitten, would you like to go clubbing this weekend?” Well thanks, but I still have that pending court case with Green Peace, you know how it is…
Continue ReadingScottish terrorists aren’ …
Scottish terrorists aren’t too bright. “Here Hamish, it says in the paper that Nick Clegg’s comin’ tae Glasgow. Wouldn’t it be great if we blew him up?”
Continue ReadingI went into KFC the other …
I went into KFC the other day and asked for some Bingo Wings. “Sorry sir, we don’t do those.” I said “well my wife’s in here all the time, and you’ve given her some.”
Continue ReadingSpent the morning paintin …
Spent the morning painting my nails. Now my hammer is jealous.
Continue ReadingI tell people that my job …
I tell people that my job in the jam factory is quite glamourous but to be honest it’s really jarring.
Continue ReadingMy Grandad talks in riddl …
My Grandad talks in riddles and said to me the other day, “It is fruitless to attempt to indoctrinate a superannuated canine with innovative manoeuvres.” I didn’t understand him, but thought, oh well, you can’t teach an old dog new tricks.
Continue ReadingA neighbour’s car aerial, …
A neighbour’s car aerial, when carefully folded, makes an ideal coat hanger in an emergency.
Continue ReadingRemember: if you’re going …
Remember: if you’re going on a long journey, CHECK YOUR TYRES. There should be four of them, apparently.
Continue ReadingMy mum knows I have been …
My mum knows I have been stealing Christmas trees to buy drugs. She found the needles all over my bedroom floor.
Continue ReadingMy girlfriend’s engagemen …
My girlfriend’s engagement ring cost me four figures… R2-D2, Han Solo, Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker.
Continue ReadingMe, my brother and parent …
Me, my brother and parents went on a holiday to the lake district last week. There was a constant whining noise all the way there. To sort the problem, my dad kicked my mom out at the service station.
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