What is black, hungry and …
What is black, hungry and has eight legs? Southampton FC players at Pizza Hut.
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
Travis McCoy: ”I wanna b …
Travis McCoy: ”I wanna be a billionaire, so so bad…” No problem mate. Just grab a tenner and book a seat on the next flight to Zimbabwe and you’re sorted..
Continue Readingjust won silver in the tr …
just won silver in the tradesman’s olympic 100 metre final , i was neck an neck with the local shoe polisher up til halfway , but he managed to show me a clean pair of heels.
Continue ReadingMy son just told me that …
My son just told me that I wasn’t the “boss” of him. So I sat him down and showed him a 65 slide PowerPoint to justify my management position.
Continue ReadingI was trying to cross a s …
I was trying to cross a stream earlier, but the bloke told me to get back to my own urinal.
Continue Reading“Money can not buy you ha …
“Money can not buy you happiness”. But it can buy you a yacht to suffer in.
Continue ReadingFried eggs aren’t all the …
Fried eggs aren’t all they’re cracked up to be.
Continue ReadingI beat my grandfather in …
I beat my grandfather in a sprint. It was a race against the clock.
Continue ReadingI lost 6 pints of blood t …
I lost 6 pints of blood today in a terrible road accident. I’m sure that’s the last time the transfusion service will use me as a driver.
Continue ReadingI always wanted to be a n …
I always wanted to be a negotiator, but I was talked out of it.
Continue Reading“Doc,” said the young man …
“Doc,” said the young man lying down on the couch, “You’ve got to help me! Every night I have the same horrible dream. I’m lying in bed when all of a sudden five women rush in and start tearing off my clothes.” The psychiatrist nodded, “And what do you do?” “I push them away!” “I […]
Continue ReadingMy wife’s affair is drivi …
My wife’s affair is driving me to drink. Her boyfriend is giving me a lift to the pub.
Continue ReadingMy sister asked me if id …
My sister asked me if id liked to come with her, I got all excited until i realised she was holding the car keys
Continue ReadingMy new novel, ‘Arm down t …
My new novel, ‘Arm down the U-bend’, is riding high in this week’s book charts. May reach number two.
Continue ReadingI said to my doctor, “Doc …
I said to my doctor, “Doctor, as soon as I fall asleep I start snoring.” He asked, “Is it loud?” I replied, “Very.” He said, “Does it bother your wife?” I replied, “I’m not married.” “Then what’s the problem?” he asked. “I’ve lost jobs because of it.” I replied.
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