George Bush : “Suicide bo …
George Bush : “Suicide bombers: we are gonna find you – and we’re gonna make sure you don’t do it again…”
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My boss said to me, “I’m …
My boss said to me, “I’m not happy, you have only been doing very minimal work for me. You should be showing me that you are willing to go the extra mile.” I said, “But I’m not.”
Continue ReadingWhat two things can you n …
What two things can you never eat for breakfast? Lunch and dinner.
Continue ReadingI tried texting with glov …
I tried texting with gloves and I just couldn’t do it so I went back to texting with a phone.
Continue ReadingEarlier tonight I woke up …
Earlier tonight I woke up to the horror of my house on fire. I hurriedly woke the kids, grabbed the dog & we made our way downstairs. “Shush now kids, be quiet” I said as I let them out. “We don’t want to wake your mother”
Continue ReadingI loathe people who keep …
I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven’t got the guts to bite people themselves.
Continue ReadingSomebody gave me a box fu …
Somebody gave me a box full of Jamaican hair extensions. It was dreadful.
Continue ReadingIf you were to lose your …
If you were to lose your left arm your right one would be left.
Continue ReadingMcDonald’s. The only plac …
McDonald’s. The only place you can play Monopoly and win a heart attack.
Continue ReadingWhy was I getting such an …
Why was I getting such angry looks at taking some pictures at Brittany Murphys wake? I think this 2010 calendar is going to look her hottest yet.
Continue ReadingAll my life I have been l …
All my life I have been looking for a cheery Fortune Teller, but I just can’t find that happy medium.
Continue ReadingI’m not saying it’s hot b …
I’m not saying it’s hot but I just saw a Goth taking his coat off.
Continue ReadingAs she lay there screamin …
As she lay there screaming in agony, her body covered in fatal burns, Superman knew this was the first and last time he would try and undress a woman with his eyes.
Continue ReadingHow do you stop an Ethiop …
How do you stop an Ethiopian from drowning? Steal his plane tickets.
Continue ReadingI had a nightmare driving …
I had a nightmare driving to work today. Luckily the sound of horns managed to wake me up.
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