I turned my lover on last …
I turned my lover on last night. But the batteries had run out.
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What is black and crispy? …
What is black and crispy? A burnt crisp
Continue ReadingWhat did Tennessee? The s …
What did Tennessee? The same thing Arkansas.
Continue ReadingAfter failing to get my d …
After failing to get my degree in history, I’ve decided to move to the US and try again over there. That should cut the amount I need to learn by at least 80%.
Continue ReadingI have just heard a digge …
I have just heard a digger rapping. Must have been a JAY-Z-B
Continue ReadingOur boss called the offic …
Our boss called the office together this morning to show us where all the plug sockets are. I hate power point presentations.
Continue ReadingI’d love to reduce my car …
I’d love to reduce my carbon footprint, but it costs 120 to buy a train ticket from London to Newcastle or 2 to fly there via Barcelona.
Continue ReadingAs I entered my car to go …
As I entered my car to go to work, I noticed someone pranked me by rigging hydraulics under one side of the car. I flipped out.
Continue ReadingI haven’t had a single vi …
I haven’t had a single visitor to my Museum of Television Controllers. People aren’t remotely interested.
Continue ReadingI took my kids to feed th …
I took my kids to feed the lions at the zoo today. They ate the bones and everything.
Continue Reading‘Beyonce baby’s name leak …
‘Beyonce baby’s name leak’ She named it after a vegetable?
Continue ReadingI don’t know whether to l …
I don’t know whether to like my mates bird. She’s ugly, controlling and worst of all, her voice is annoying. On the up side. every time I see her, my self esteem rises just that little bit.
Continue ReadingAre the best before dates …
Are the best before dates on Penguins referring to the biscuit or the joke?
Continue ReadingI’m really not getting th …
I’m really not getting through to my girlfriend and I think it’s a matter of time until we split. What part of, “Explicate the exponential growth of the neo-platonic paradigm from the perspective of a Nietzschean ubermensch” doesn’t she understand?
Continue ReadingI took my first serious g …
I took my first serious girlfriend on a caravan camping trip to Devon last week, we found this really nice spot in a field near the beach. After a long journey, we both went and sat on the bed. “I love coming here” I said “I could tell by the amount of crusty tissues under […]
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