What’s the difference bet …
What’s the difference between SpongeBob SquarePants and Maddie? SpongeBob WANTS to live at the bottom of the sea.
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How about instead of post …
How about instead of posting your life story all over Facebook you get a diary?
Continue ReadingI never put pressure on m …
I never put pressure on my children to win awards or accolades. I always point out to them that’s it’s the taking part that counts. I’m not sure Brit, Oscar and Emmy quite feel that way though.
Continue ReadingMy mate has been really d …
My mate has been really depressed lately because he’s gone bald. I said to him, “Look on the bright side mate, you’ll save an absolute fortune on not having a girlfriend ever again.”
Continue ReadingI’ve just treated my wife …
I’ve just treated my wife to a new vibrator. I’m going soft in my old age.
Continue Reading”Muslims wearing Carlsbe …
”Muslims wearing Carlsberg T-shirt’s” If Carslberg did irony, it would be the best irony in the world’
Continue ReadingWhich way do you turn the …
Which way do you turn the key to open a genuine Queen Anne dresser? Antique-lock wise.
Continue ReadingI spent 10 on magic mushr …
I spent 10 on magic mushrooms and got duped with a bag of poison toadstools. It’s funghi ’cause it’s true.
Continue ReadingMy uncle was always safet …
My uncle was always safety conscious. At the end of every day, he would take out all the plugs and switch off all the lights. Perhaps that’s why he got sacked from being an air traffic controller.
Continue ReadingWent to my doctors today …
Went to my doctors today with a health problem. Can’t believe he actually knew the unlimited power bar cheat for Street Fighter 5.
Continue ReadingAs a 55 year old PE teach …
As a 55 year old PE teacher you might think I’m getting a bit past it. But actually the stiffness seems to go away after showers.
Continue Reading‘Talk is cheap’, people s …
‘Talk is cheap’, people say. But not the same people who are on ‘Vodafone’.
Continue ReadingPeople question my parent …
People question my parenting skills, but I think my son is like a ray of sunshine. I try and stay out of direct contact with him.
Continue ReadingI overheard my son and da …
I overheard my son and daughter complaining the other day that I act more like a boss than a father towards them. So I’ve invited them both to a disciplinary hearing at 10.00 next Monday morning.
Continue ReadingI’m so upset having my pe …
I’m so upset having my pet chameleon put down, but the vet was right. What’s the point in carrying on if he wasn’t going to change.
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