My wife wasn’t happy when …
My wife wasn’t happy when I told her I wanted to be a lobotomist. She gave me a piece of her mind.
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When I was growing up my …
When I was growing up my parents were great fans of metaphors and sayings. Times have changed, Maybe they need some adjusting. Too many cooks make t.v shows A problem shared is a facebook update More haste less speed earns a poor wage on piece-work The MP5 is mightier than the pen and the sword […]
Continue ReadingI found an old return tra …
I found an old return train ticket from 1975 in my wallet today. It took me back.
Continue ReadingI remember the good ole d …
I remember the good ole days before Facebook, when deleting friends meant having to go round their house and murder them.
Continue ReadingOur headmaster at school …
Our headmaster at school was a real angry man Mr Phillips He was a cross head.
Continue ReadingPeople who can’t spell sh …
People who can’t spell should dye.
Continue ReadingI just saw a group on fac …
I just saw a group on facebook called “United Against the BNP”. Of course they are, half of their players and most of their fans are foreign.
Continue ReadingI think it’s rather unfai …
I think it’s rather unfair how all the Harry Potter fans can turn up to their movie wearing wizard-like clothing, but when I turned up with my car to watch transformers they wouldn’t let us in
Continue ReadingOur window cleaner was ou …
Our window cleaner was outside jumping up and down and screaming earlier. Some people lose their rag so easily don’t they?
Continue ReadingWhat’s the opposite of ir …
What’s the opposite of irony? Wrinkly.
Continue Reading“I’ve just got back from …
“I’ve just got back from a fantastic holiday with friends in Italy.” “Rimini?” “Well, I don’t know them that well…”
Continue ReadingMy mum told me I should n …
My mum told me I should never talk to strangers. I said, “It’s alright mum, I don’t know any.”
Continue ReadingI’m sick of all these imm …
I’m sick of all these immigants coming over here and they don’t even bother learning the langige.
Continue ReadingTrees Can Break Wind. …
Trees Can Break Wind.
Continue ReadingWhat is a social life and …
What is a social life and where can I download one?
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