I completely knackered my …
I completely knackered my lawnmower going over some old bones behind the shed. That’s when I remembered that I’d grown bored of playing hide and seek with my kids.
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As usual, I’ve secured th …
As usual, I’ve secured the biggest bargains on deadline day. A packet of broken biscuits & a barely-expired tin of Lilt for 37p.
Continue ReadingAfter reading the Stieg L …
After reading the Stieg Larrson books “The girl with the dragon tattoo” “The girl who kicked the hornets nest” and “The girl who played with fire” I cant help but get excited for the next two books in the series. “The girl who swam after eating” and “The girl who ran with scissors”.
Continue ReadingI went round my gran’s la …
I went round my gran’s last night. She suddenly started crying and said, “Ignore me – I’m just a silly sentimental old fool.” So I switched the telly on and watched the football.
Continue ReadingSky News: Toxic Mushroom …
Sky News: Toxic Mushroom blamed for 400 China deaths I didn’t know that band were touring the far east?
Continue ReadingThere is no greater fear …
There is no greater fear for a man than the few seconds after proposing a hi-5, standing with his hand in the air and a pleading look in his eyes not to be left hanging
Continue ReadingI’ve just started working …
I’ve just started working as a writer. I only have to go into the office every couple of weeks and show them what I’ve done. Come to think of it, it’s pretty much the same as when I was unemployed but I get paid less.
Continue ReadingAn American walks into a …
An American walks into a library.
Continue ReadingA girl visits her doctor …
A girl visits her doctor and tells him she has terrible discharge. ‘Ok, take your knickers off and lets check it out’ he says. She drops her knickers and he has a feel around. He says ‘how does that feel?’ She says ‘Ruddy wonderful but the discharge is from my ear’.
Continue ReadingHow do you know you spend …
How do you know you spend too much time on sickipedia: See the Facebook-Group “Feed a Child with a click” and need more than one try to read “click”…
Continue ReadingJust put my mobile in to …
Just put my mobile in to Airplane mode and it told me not to call it Shirley
Continue ReadingI’ve recently had my hous …
I’ve recently had my house exorcised by a Priest due to some strange events. He wanted 200 paying in the next week for his duties. However when i told him i couldn’t pay this, he came back and re-possessed my house.
Continue ReadingHappy Mother’s Day to all …
Happy Mother’s Day to all my neighbours on the estate. Remember: if you go out for a meal, take it easy on the WKD as you’ve got school tomorrow and its nearly GCSE time.
Continue ReadingUndersteer is when you hi …
Understeer is when you hit the wall with the front of the car, oversteer is when you hit the wall with the rear of the car. Horsepower is how fast you hit the wall and torque is how far you take the wall with you. All of this of course I have taught my wife […]
Continue ReadingI know a blind man that d …
I know a blind man that does observational comedy… It’s dark humour.
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