I’ll never forget the tim …
I’ll never forget the time I had to use an oxygen mask for an Easyjet flight. It was just after the help-desk told me how much the baggage fees were.
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Malt whisky is ‘a good in …
Malt whisky is ‘a good investment’, financial advisors say. Nonsense. I invested in a truckload of the stuff years ago, and all I’ve got to show for it now is terminal cirrhosis.
Continue ReadingSky News: Hole found in M …
Sky News: Hole found in Manchester United changing rooms at Wembley Stadium Seems like their glory days are over
Continue ReadingA little bird told me, th …
A little bird told me, that my Schizophrenia is getting out of hand.
Continue ReadingI decided to ruin to my e …
I decided to ruin to my ex’s wedding by revealing that she used to be a man. My plan went off without a hitch.
Continue ReadingA girl in Superdrug was g …
A girl in Superdrug was giving me a really good signal. 50% extra free and minty fresh.
Continue ReadingThe No1 search on Yahoo! …
The No1 search on Yahoo! at the moment is David Beckham. I think I might be able to help there… he’s in Finland.
Continue ReadingI walked into a car showr …
I walked into a car showroom last night. I said to the salesman, “My wife would like to talk to you about the Volkswagen Golf in the window.” He said, “We don’t have a Volkswagen Golf in the window.” I said, “You do now.”
Continue ReadingThe best thing about pran …
The best thing about pranking Childline is you know you’re hurting a child, without doing the dirty work.
Continue ReadingWhat happens if you get s …
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
Continue ReadingMy captors just made a jo …
My captors just made a joke about a burlap sack, but it went right over my head.
Continue ReadingMSN News: “Storm due in f …
MSN News: “Storm due in flood-hit Australia”. You would have thought she’d of arrived earlier and stopped the weather causing havoc before so many people died…
Continue ReadingI just read that China’s …
I just read that China’s last Giant Panda fell into quicksand. The WWF say it hasn’t quite sunk in yet.
Continue ReadingMy mate’s Facebook status …
My mate’s Facebook status said “I need to lower my standards.” I commented saying, “I did this, worked well :)” In other news, I’m now single.
Continue ReadingMy mate asked me if I wan …
My mate asked me if I wanted to pop along to erectile dysfunction club earlier. I wasn’t up for it.
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