As I came downstairs this …
As I came downstairs this morning my father turned to me and said “Have you made your bed, son?” “No, dad. You bought it.”
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
Lenny Henry: “I’m going t …
Lenny Henry: “I’m going to send these kids to a better place to stay.” Premier Inn?
Continue ReadingI just changed my relatio …
I just changed my relationahip status on Facebook to single. My girlfriend thinks I’ve been fRaped. She’ll figure it out sooner or later.
Continue ReadingSo JamRags.com are printi …
So JamRags.com are printing all of the Sickipedia favourites onto t-shirts then selling them back to us? Personally, I’m waiting for the one that says “Database Latency Too high”.
Continue ReadingI lost my job as a lion-t …
I lost my job as a lion-tamer, they said I was taking too long. My plan was, through a selective breeding programme, to have them eating out of my hand in about 12 to 14 generations.
Continue ReadingI was sitting on a packed …
I was sitting on a packed bus this morning when an old lady got on. She looked at me and said, “Do you mind if I sit down?” I said, “Of course not, but I must warn you, I have an erection.”
Continue ReadingI have recently started g …
I have recently started getting into shape. They are some tasty yogurts.
Continue ReadingBBC iPlayer, Because hack …
BBC iPlayer, Because hacking someone’s wireless connection is cheaper then a Television Licence.
Continue ReadingTop tip: If you have a p …
Top tip: If you have a paranoid friend and they leave their mobile lying around, pick it up and add little reminders like “I’m watching you” and “You’re not alone” to random dates. Epic lols!
Continue ReadingI went round to see my si …
I went round to see my sisters new baby today, “He looks just like you” I said “I know, we’ve got the same nose” she said “No” I replied “I meant by using his eyes”
Continue ReadingI always remember what my …
I always remember what my mum used to say to me; “Don’t pick that up; you don’t know where its been.” It always sticks in my mind when I walk into a singles bar.
Continue ReadingYou can get all sorts of …
You can get all sorts of stuff on the Amazon website. I even came across a lost tribe the other day.
Continue ReadingYay so Santa came during …
Yay so Santa came during the night… just wish I had a tissue to whip it off though.
Continue ReadingThe whole family is at th …
The whole family is at the zoo when suddenly Little Susie calls out: “Look, Mummy! That monkey looks just like Granddad.” “Shhh,” whispers Susie’s mother, glancing over at her father-in-law standing a few yards away. “Don’t say things like that in such a loud voice.” “Don’t worry,” says Little Susie, “the monkey can’t understand us.”
Continue ReadingBBC News: ‘Man kidnaps hi …
BBC News: ‘Man kidnaps his own clone.’ Neighbours say he kept himself to himself.
Continue Reading