I’m not fat, I’m just rea …
I’m not fat, I’m just ready for the winter.
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For what I lack in beauty …
For what I lack in beauty, I make-up
Continue ReadingI’m not really interested …
I’m not really interested in tobogganing, but I would probably do it if pushed.
Continue ReadingI’ve made more people sta …
I’ve made more people stand up and leave a cinema than any other person. I write the credits.
Continue ReadingI’m normally frank and er …
I’m normally frank and ernest on my first dates with women … But sometimes, just to be daring, I call myself Colin
Continue ReadingWhen the old man told me …
When the old man told me to ‘give him a break’, i don’t think lobbing KitKats at him was what he meant.
Continue ReadingDo you know what goes thr …
Do you know what goes through me? Neutrinos.
Continue ReadingNothing says “I’m on the …
Nothing says “I’m on the minimum wage” like sitting in McDonald’s with a high viz jacket on.
Continue ReadingI went out last night and …
I went out last night and when I entered the first establishment of the night I noticed right away a beautiful girl across the floor. And she was dressed up in a uniform, saucy. After waiting for a few minutes nervously I realised it was about time I approached her. So I walked across, smiled […]
Continue ReadingA man walks into a librar …
A man walks into a library and asks for a book on rude insults. The librarian says ‘I’m sorry, I left it at your mother’s house’.
Continue ReadingNo point praying for a me …
No point praying for a medal. God always tells you to come forth.
Continue ReadingLooks like there is a hea …
Looks like there is a heatwave in London at the moment. Someone’s double decker has melted in the middle of the road.
Continue ReadingThey’ve just brought out …
They’ve just brought out non-alcoholic Cider… Now correct me if I’m wrong, but that’s Apple Juice!
Continue ReadingComing out the shed holdi …
Coming out the shed holding the rackets I said “Who’s up for a game of Badminton?” “What about a net?” the Wife shouted, “She can play the winner” I said.
Continue ReadingI start my job at a resta …
I start my job at a restaurant tomorrow. I can’t wait.
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