Man goes into a library a …
Man goes into a library and asks for a book on Jade Goody’s tragic death. Librarian says; “We’re eagerly awaiting the arrival of that”.
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The phrase ” If you love …
The phrase ” If you love someone you let them go, and if it was meant to be it comes back” doesn’t apply when holding your newborn baby, i recently found out.
Continue ReadingDid you hear about the re …
Did you hear about the red ship and the blue ship that collided? The survivors were marooned.
Continue ReadingI just had a real bad fee …
I just had a real bad feeling of De Ja vu when I was looking through the jokes of today…… Then I realised, these jokes have already been posted ten times.
Continue ReadingMe and the wife had a gam …
Me and the wife had a game of draughts earlier. She opened the window, I countered by leaving the back door ajar.
Continue ReadingWith your help and contin …
With your help and continued support, from as little as 25 pounds a month, little orphan Mwogli can have 600 minutes and unlimited texts.
Continue ReadingMy pet mouse has just mur …
My pet mouse has just murdered my goldfish. I’m in shock. It’s always the quiet ones, isn’t it?
Continue ReadingMy wife left me saying th …
My wife left me saying that I’m a money waster. I said “Don’t be stupid, we got a 97% love match on Jamster’s app.”
Continue ReadingA Gentleman is a person w …
A Gentleman is a person who can play the accordion but doesn’t.
Continue Reading“I’m going to Marks and S …
“I’m going to Marks and Spencers love” I shouted to my wife upstairs. “Ok, see you later” she said. Having friends with names of a popular retailer is really handy.
Continue ReadingShould I worry that every …
Should I worry that every time I play wordscramble on facebook the first word I see is always `rape`?
Continue ReadingWeston-Super-Mare has ann …
Weston-Super-Mare has announced two new twin towns. Burnham-on-Sea and Chard.
Continue ReadingI went to see Twilight: N …
I went to see Twilight: New Moon because it is meant to be a modern take on Romeo and Juliet. I was so disappointed when Edward and Bella didn’t kill themselves.
Continue ReadingI saw a shooting star the …
I saw a shooting star the other day…turns out its quite easy. Just go to a rap concert and pull a white hoodie on.
Continue ReadingSo after several attempts …
So after several attempts of the same experiment, I can safely say Dolphins really aren’t so smart on land.
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