I saw a Cougar this morni …
I saw a Cougar this morning wearing a Leopard coat, driving a Jaguar. It’s a jungle out there.
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My wife knows hundreds of …
My wife knows hundreds of photography jokes. You can’t shutter up.
Continue ReadingMy clotheshorse broke thi …
My clotheshorse broke this morning. It was the end of an airer.
Continue ReadingI lost my job today. Appa …
I lost my job today. Apparently telling my boss that it was ‘my time of the month’ and that i was ‘manstruating’ wasn’t the best excuse i could have come up with.
Continue ReadingI started my new job in a …
I started my new job in a unit that deals with people who suffer with Aspbergers Syndrome and Autism.. I asked the manager who the people were in the corner working at computers. She told me that they were all editing jokes on this website.
Continue ReadingI was chilling out in the …
I was chilling out in the pool area wearing just my Speedos, when the manager came over and said, “You can’t come in here dressed like that. Please put the cue down on the table and leave the pub.”
Continue ReadingWhenever I do crack I get …
Whenever I do crack I get hairs in my mouth
Continue ReadingI had to turn the telly d …
I had to turn the telly down earlier. It shouldn’t have come on to me in the first place.
Continue ReadingIronically Loot magazine …
Ironically Loot magazine is free.
Continue ReadingI got given a voucher for …
I got given a voucher for a free Frappe today. I think there must have been a mix up though. I wanted my facebook to be humorously hacked, and when I went down there all I got was a drink.
Continue ReadingI have no money but my wi …
I have no money but my wife has piles.
Continue ReadingWhen I was young I had a …
When I was young I had a fear of high fences. It’s something I never got over.
Continue ReadingI got fed up with all thi …
I got fed up with all this unwritten rules nonsense. So i published a book. It’s called Rules.
Continue ReadingI’ve recently moved with …
I’ve recently moved with my family to a new area and thought I’d try some of the local pubs. I walked in to the Bulls Head and asked the barman, “Are kids allowed in here mate?”. “Yes, until 8pm”, he replied. “Great”, I said, as I ushered my young goat in, “What about Foals?”.
Continue ReadingThe economic pressures in …
The economic pressures in modern Britain have had a few positive outcomes. Help for Heroes, for example. My housekeeper now accepts payment in miniature Cadbury’s chocolate bars.
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