My 20 year old son compla …
My 20 year old son complained that I never let him grow up. He’s a beaker half empty kind of guy.
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I’ve started sewing small …
I’ve started sewing small magnets into my wife’s clothes. Now I don’t have to lie when she asks if she’s attractive.
Continue ReadingI threw in the towel at m …
I threw in the towel at my last job. Which is why I’m no longer a lifeguard.
Continue ReadingI hate it when I’m uninte …
I hate it when I’m unintentionally offensive. It makes all the times I go out of my way to offend people much less meaningful.
Continue ReadingI want to go into a ballo …
I want to go into a balloon store and threaten to blow the whole place up!
Continue ReadingMy wifes so fat, even our …
My wifes so fat, even our wedding photo weighed 30lbs.
Continue ReadingMy Wife came downstairs e …
My Wife came downstairs earlier all dolled up ready to go out, and asked if I could give her a lift. I said “Sure sweetheart. You don’t look as fat in that dress as I thought you would”.
Continue ReadingI’ve invented a new Jet t …
I’ve invented a new Jet that has the ability to travel on water without the need for Fuel. I just need to find out a way to build it, and the rest is plane sailing
Continue ReadingFacebook Groups. Making …
Facebook Groups. Making us all realise we are not as unique as we think.
Continue ReadingMy son was killed whilst …
My son was killed whilst pretending his wheelchair was a transformer on the M1. You could say he died in his Prime.
Continue ReadingThe new campaign for the …
The new campaign for the NSPCC is called: “Change For Children” I’ll give them 50p to wash my car and a pound if they mow my lawn as well.
Continue ReadingDid pretty well on the sc …
Did pretty well on the scavenger hunt. Shot three scavengers.
Continue ReadingI know when I’m not wante …
I know when I’m not wanted. I seem to spend all my time there.
Continue ReadingMy Wife said “Why’s our n …
My Wife said “Why’s our new dog ripping that piece of headwear apart?” I replied “I think it’s just a bad hat he chewed”
Continue ReadingMy friend keeps trying to …
My friend keeps trying to convince me that i’m too stingy with my money. I’m not buying it.
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