I had to pull the plug on …
I had to pull the plug on my dear old granddad this morning. He sat freezing in the bath for hours.
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
My son got thrown out of …
My son got thrown out of the school choir for lowering the tone. His voice broke.
Continue ReadingI just texted my friend, …
I just texted my friend, “You got any hats I can borrow?” He texted back, “Caps or nothing I’m afraid mate” I replied “YOU GOT ANY HATS I CAN BORROW?”
Continue ReadingNew tagline for my Russia …
New tagline for my Russian bride website: ‘Because true love doesn’t cost a thing… (Excl. p&p)’
Continue ReadingI tried to get to work by …
I tried to get to work by train this morning, they said “Today there is a Bus replacement service” So I gave them a tin of pineapple chunks. They said “What’s that?” I said “That’s my money replacement service.”
Continue ReadingGary Glitter is hoping to …
Gary Glitter is hoping to slip out of the UK and live in Casablanca…….. Here’s lookin’ at you,kids
Continue ReadingThe best place to hide a …
The best place to hide a body is on Page 2 of Google’s search results.
Continue ReadingMy friend had such bad as …
My friend had such bad asthma, even though he’s dead he’s STILL having a coffin fit.
Continue ReadingI stole one of my girlfri …
I stole one of my girlfriends leather knee high shoes earlier. She said ‘either give it back, or we will have to split up. Its your choice.’ So in the end i gave her the boot.
Continue ReadingI’m listening to La Roux; …
I’m listening to La Roux; The shoplifter edition. Going in for the till.
Continue ReadingYou know you had a good n …
You know you had a good night clubbing when the RSPCA turn up at your door the next morning.
Continue ReadingIt’s National Pasta Day! …
It’s National Pasta Day! So I’ve heard from my sauces.
Continue ReadingI knocked on my neighbour …
I knocked on my neighbour’s door and said, “Your dog just came into my garden and caught my cat. I was going to separate them but it was too late, he’s dead and his head is practically hanging off.” “I’m so sorry,” he replied. “Sorry?” I said, wiping the blood off my axe. “It’s your […]
Continue ReadingDo you ever do that thing …
Do you ever do that thing when you’re searching for something for ages, and it turns out you were holding it all along? My granddad was always doing it, and that’s why he should never have been allowed to hold grenades during the war.
Continue ReadingI just looked up a girl’s …
I just looked up a girl’s skirt… About 30,900,000 results (.437 seconds)
Continue Reading