Everyone throughout my wh …
Everyone throughout my whole life has called me special. My friends, my family. If only my mum had a good sense in choosing names.
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I got my personality test …
I got my personality test results back yesterday. They were negative.
Continue ReadingIf you get stopped by the …
If you get stopped by the police in the car and they get you to wind the window down and ask, “Do you know why we pulled you over, sir?” Apparently, “Did you forget?” isn’t a suitable answer.
Continue ReadingI am going to sneak into …
I am going to sneak into NASA, steal a rocket and fly to mars. Nothing can go wrong, i’m going to planet.
Continue ReadingFire safety training in t …
Fire safety training in the workplace: In the event of a fire, to help prevent it spreading, please always keep the fire doors shut. Do not leave anything lying around that can fuel the fire. For example: plastic, pieces of wood, paper. I think the fire authorities need to stop making Fire Safety Door’s out […]
Continue ReadingMy wife’s just bought me …
My wife’s just bought me a new jersey. I look a right state.
Continue ReadingI’m naming my new yacht ” …
I’m naming my new yacht “Drug Deal Gone Right.”
Continue ReadingI suspected my girlfriend …
I suspected my girlfriend of cheating, and my worst fears were confirmed. I received a text saying she wanted to see other people. But I soon realised I had nothing to worry about when I received another text 2 minutes later saying “Sorry babe, that text wasn’t meant for you.”
Continue ReadingI went on a blind date la …
I went on a blind date last night. I just told her it was raining.
Continue ReadingThis hopepipe ban is real …
This hopepipe ban is really hurting my kids. But I guess thats what happens when you try to fill the paddling pool with water from the kettle.
Continue ReadingMy dad always told me not …
My dad always told me not to stab people in the back. I agree completely. It’s much easier to reach their vital organs from the front.
Continue Readingi went to a hotel the oth …
i went to a hotel the other day, i knocked on the door, no answer, knocked again,still no answer, knocked one more time and an old woman opened the door, she said ‘what do you want?’ i said ‘i want to stay here’ she sad ‘stay there then’ and shut the door
Continue ReadingSomeones just tried to se …
Someones just tried to sell me a wristband “for the victims of the tsunami.” Wouldn’t they be better off with armbands?
Continue ReadingDogs aren’t just for Chri …
Dogs aren’t just for Christmas. They’re also for when you’re very drunk and there’s no good looking women left on the dance floor.
Continue ReadingLittle Johnny was at scho …
Little Johnny was at school when the teacher asked, “Why are the Middle Ages often referred to as the Dark Ages?” Johnny raised his hand and shouted, “Because they had a lot of knights.”
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