My parents have decided t …
My parents have decided to put my gran into a care home, after she tearfully broke down, admitting to symptoms of Alzheimer’s. Maybe it’s time I stopped using rohypnol.
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
I’ve just been offered a …
I’ve just been offered a job replacing a guy named Teddy for two months while he’s away. I’m Tempted.
Continue ReadingI just bought myself a Mr …
I just bought myself a Mr Whippy van. Now I can do mobile S&M.
Continue Reading“Tom Smith: Had a lovely …
“Tom Smith: Had a lovely day at the park”. Seeing as people are posting our jokes on their Facebook status’, I feel it would only be fair to post their status’ as our jokes, right?
Continue ReadingMy neighbours Mr and Mrs …
My neighbours Mr and Mrs Przemyslawski are getting a divorce on the grounds of irreconcilable differences. They’re just poles apart.
Continue ReadingJust over four months lat …
Just over four months later, I’m still pleased she’s dead.
Continue ReadingIf Old MacDonald has a fa …
If Old MacDonald has a farm, why can’t he put some actual meat in his burgers?
Continue ReadingIf I didn’t have such a h …
If I didn’t have such a huge ego, I’d be perfect.
Continue ReadingStroke my coat. You’ve pu …
Stroke my coat. You’ve pulled a cat.
Continue ReadingTo those men who whinge a …
To those men who whinge and whine saying it’s too hard to cultivate apples, I say, “Grow a pear.”
Continue ReadingI bought a new guard dog …
I bought a new guard dog but it’s useless. He only barks whenever I look at the time. I said to him, “You don’t really get this whole watchdog thing, do you?”
Continue ReadingWent to see a Psychic tod …
Went to see a Psychic today. She clarified that she wasn’t a fraud, and that she hears the voices in her head. I said, “I know, that’ll probably be the guy talking into your earpiece.”
Continue ReadingI guess the librarian let …
I guess the librarian let Alexander McQueen check out that book.
Continue ReadingI run my own gym. People …
I run my own gym. People have been coming for ages but don’t seem to be getting any stronger. It’s the same weak in weak out.
Continue ReadingWhat do you call someone …
What do you call someone who discriminates against farmers? A pharmacist.
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