I bought a book called ‘M …
I bought a book called ‘Mathematics for dummies’. All the answers were wrong.
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I’d been worrying about m …
I’d been worrying about my geography exam for a long time. When I sat down to take it, the first question read; “What is the correct term for any wind that blows between 4 and 30 miles per hour?” I don’t know what I was worried about. It was a breeze.
Continue ReadingThe wife told me her moth …
The wife told me her mother’s got a stomach ulcer. I laughed and said “What…you mean there’s a boil in the bag?”
Continue ReadingI think I must be going b …
I think I must be going bald… It’s taking longer and longer to wash my face in the morning…
Continue ReadingIm going to encourage my …
Im going to encourage my cat to live a more active life by telling it that it died peacefully 8 times in it’s sleep
Continue ReadingA man walks into a librar …
A man walks into a library and asks for a book on confusing endings. But she did.
Continue ReadingSickipedia Top Tip: Just …
Sickipedia Top Tip: Just because you own baby oil, does not give you the right to rub babies.
Continue ReadingMy girlfriends autistic s …
My girlfriends autistic son seems disturbed at my being in his home. The other night I was trying to cook a romantic meal for her but he kept dropping spoons in the hot pans. He’s just trying to stir things.
Continue ReadingI can’t wait till march 4 …
I can’t wait till march 4th, it’s my favourite day because when people ask me what the date is it’s like I’m sending them into battle.
Continue ReadingJust found out my dad use …
Just found out my dad used to work for Johnny Cash! Collecting the money from condom machines.
Continue ReadingI tried insulting Tinie T …
I tried insulting Tinie Tempah on Twitter. He replied with “lol”. I can check him off on my “Misleading Names” list.
Continue ReadingMy wife thinks I’m stupid …
My wife thinks I’m stupid and to prove her point she bought me an electronic pencil sharpener and said I’d be too thick to use it. Of course I can’t use it – I’ve been to every shop in town and I can’t find an electronic pencil anywhere!
Continue ReadingTo those of you who have …
To those of you who have lost loved ones to kidney infections and diseases, Urine our prayers.
Continue ReadingI was stood in church thi …
I was stood in church this morning when an old lady walked past “Its nice out” she said I thought she had a point, but when i got it out, the vicar asked me to leave!
Continue ReadingI heard about a new game …
I heard about a new game coming out on the 9th of November, I think it’s called ‘African-American Ops’.
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