I sneaked a gun into my t …
I sneaked a gun into my trial to shoot the 12 jurors. Who can blame me?
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
Just had one of those ‘Wh …
Just had one of those ‘Whole Meal’ loaves. Only got halfway through before I was sick.
Continue ReadingHear about the lonely pri …
Hear about the lonely prisoner in a Glasgow jail? He was in his cell.
Continue ReadingI tried to explain to my …
I tried to explain to my wife. “You put carrot in carrot cake, Egg in eggnog and cheese in cheesecake” She still didn’t like what I did to the chicken for the coq-au-vin.
Continue ReadingI’ve just ripped out a pi …
I’ve just ripped out a pig’s vocal chords with my bare hands. It appears to be disgruntled.
Continue ReadingDecided to try out one of …
Decided to try out one of these half marathons to get fit. So I went shopping with the wife.
Continue ReadingIf history repeats itself …
If history repeats itself… I’d expect the same thing to happen again.
Continue ReadingHow was your apocalypse ? …
How was your apocalypse ? Mine was great, until I realized the zombies I was killing weren’t zombies… But that didn’t stop me!
Continue ReadingDarling I said you remind …
Darling I said you remind me of a swan. My wife replied, because of my beauty and grace? No love because you’re a bit of a fat bird.
Continue ReadingEvery 15 minutes, I have …
Every 15 minutes, I have to put pepper spray in my eyes whilst listening to thumping house tunes. I’m totally addicted to mace.
Continue ReadingI was walking through the …
I was walking through the park with a mate when he cried out “Ouch! A bug just flew into my left eye! What are the chances!” “Precisely 1 in 2.”
Continue ReadingA dog goes into a telegra …
A dog goes into a telegram office and asks to send a message. “I want it to say ‘woof woof woof woof woof woof woof woof woof woof woof woof woof woof’” The man says, “You have paid 10 and only used 14 words. You can add another one at no extra charge.” The dog […]
Continue ReadingI lost my dog so I sent a …
I lost my dog so I sent a tweet on Twitter to try and find him #hereboy
Continue ReadingI was over the park the o …
I was over the park the other day and I see a sign that said “No dog fouling”. So I made sure I timed my tackle to perfection.
Continue ReadingPets at home can advertis …
Pets at home can advertise as pet grooming and gillette can advertise as male grooming but when it comes to advertising my under 16’s sallon as child grooming that’s inapropriate?
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