According to economists, Apple currently has more money than the American government. I don’t think they’ve got their statistics quite right there, the old tramp playing the spoons outside Waterloo station currently has more money than the American government.
Continue ReadingMy new girlfriend is very adventurous in the bedroom. Last night I found her trying to scale the wardrobe without a safety harness.
Continue ReadingI’ve just been reading about that child who died in a tumble dryer and I couldn’t even imagine how his parents must feel… To have something they love so carelessly and pointlessly destroyed, especially when it could so easily have been prevented with a bit of caution and supervision, it’s just more than I could […]
Continue Reading“What’s the difference between carol singers and trick or treat kids ?” “Nothing, You are getting life imprisonment for both crimes.”
Continue ReadingAs I pulled up to the scene I saw my son’s bike lying disfigured in the road, my heart sank That bike cost hundred quid.
Continue ReadingLast night I won the French kissing contest hands down. It was good to let other contestants taste defeet.
Continue ReadingI wanted to show my mate a pool trick earlier. So I whacked the cue ball, then it shot down the table and bounced off a cushion. That’s when we both got thrown out of the furniture store.
Continue ReadingApparently over 30,000 people were there for the opening of the new Waterstones store in Oxford Street….. That’s a turn up for the books.
Continue ReadingI got a new noose, but I don’t know how to use it. I haven’t got the hang of it yet.
Continue ReadingWhen I was a kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child… eventually.
Continue ReadingI’ve been trying to teach my mate how to play golf recently but the problem seems to be his drive. His wife stands on it and doesn’t let us out.
Continue ReadingIf McDonald’s do make it illegal to sell their food to anyone under the age of 18, rap will sound a lot different. Gangsters bragging about how they’ve been selling BigMac’s for years and that they still haven’t been caught.
Continue ReadingI was walked down the street the other day when a man pops out and starts throwing words beginning with ‘th’ at me. I dodged This and There but I didn’t see That coming.
Continue ReadingMy grandad once killed a lion with one hand. It had paws on its other legs though.
Continue ReadingCommon internet comment made under a youtube video or facebook post that reads just one word: “Genious” Are they really qualified to make that call?
Continue Reading