I have a habit of sleepin …
I have a habit of sleeping in too late and missing work, so my doctor recommended that I sleep in a herb garden. At first it sounded odd, but I did wake up on thyme.
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
I remember the first time …
I remember the first time i ever tried my hand at stand up comedy. The curtains went back the lights came on , and on i walked…. for about two steps and then i fell through the floor. Quick as a flash , and still holding the Microphone i looked up at the stunned audience […]
Continue ReadingHow painful the irony of …
How painful the irony of a gap year student dying by falling between roofs.
Continue ReadingI live in a bungalow. Wel …
I live in a bungalow. Well, it has an upstairs. But that’s another story.
Continue ReadingI was told today by the c …
I was told today by the council that my dog had to be neutered. There is no way that I can afford to do this at a vet… …So I dyed him ginger.
Continue ReadingI’ve just been approved f …
I’ve just been approved for an any purpose loan. I’m going to use mine to fund Al-Qaeda.
Continue ReadingI was driving down a coun …
I was driving down a country road when this woman flagged me down. She came to my window and said “I could really use a lift” I said “you’re hairs lovely and you’ve lost weight” Then I drove off.
Continue ReadingMy new girlfriend is very …
My new girlfriend is very insecure. Tonight was the first time I’ve been in her house and I’ve already made copies of all of her bank statements.
Continue ReadingJust been in Wookey Hole. …
Just been in Wookey Hole. Chewbacca was not amused.
Continue ReadingAs me and my date walked …
As me and my date walked through my front door I said, “I hope you’re ready for a magical night..” “‘Cos you’re sleeping on my carpet.”
Continue ReadingMy wife said she hated me …
My wife said she hated me. I said “thats not fair, there is only two things I dislike about you.” She said “what are they?” “Your chin”
Continue ReadingI don’t know why there’s …
I don’t know why there’s so much controversy here in Britain about having armed police patrolling the streets. Frankly, the first time I see a policeman with no arms is the time I’ll really start to worry…
Continue ReadingWriting a break up Poem t …
Writing a break up Poem to some one. Need a line that rhymes with….”you forget to mention your trans-gender operation”.
Continue ReadingOur dog is ‘in season’ ap …
Our dog is ‘in season’ apparently. Why the wife insists her being the height of fashion, I’ll never know.
Continue ReadingThe whole of the Middle E …
The whole of the Middle East don’t understand basic British joke structure. When a British person says, “There’s an Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman,” to us it’s a joke but to them it’s a hostage situation.
Continue Reading