I’ve just started going o …
I’ve just started going out with a girl who believes she was abducted by aliens. It’s amazing. It means she’s gullible and up for some probing.
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I’m a designer of minimal …
I’m a designer of minimalist housing and 7 windows was my idea
Continue ReadingTottenham Hotspur have be …
Tottenham Hotspur have been beaten by the Kaizer Chiefs. I predict a riot.
Continue ReadingI’ve just opened up a pub …
I’ve just opened up a pub near a volcano. It’s gonna be the new hotspot in town.
Continue ReadingEven though our pitch was …
Even though our pitch was covered in sand, we still made it through to the final of the cup. We won on aggregate.
Continue ReadingWhat goes: Red, Green, Re …
What goes: Red, Green, Red, Green, Red, Green, Red, Green, Red, Green, Red, White? Kermit the Frog Masturbating.
Continue ReadingMy wife told me I don’t k …
My wife told me I don’t know how to take criticism. That was sweet of her.
Continue ReadingWhat’s the difference bet …
What’s the difference between a Mosquito and a Mosque ? One spreads fear among the local population and causes the senseless deaths of countless innocent people, …and the other’s an insect.
Continue ReadingWhere do rudeboys keep th …
Where do rudeboys keep their money? Safe, innit
Continue ReadingI wonder what turns Steph …
I wonder what turns Stephen Hawking on..
Continue ReadingI saw a young black girl …
I saw a young black girl wearing a brownies uniform earlier. Some people really don’t understand irony. I love those people.
Continue ReadingMy brother asked me if I …
My brother asked me if I could dress up as a calculator for his fancy dress party, as his best mate cancelled. I told him he could count on me.
Continue ReadingThank god this toaster ca …
Thank god this toaster came with an instruction manual. I almost set a video on fire!
Continue ReadingBBC NEWS : Pub stabbing m …
BBC NEWS : Pub stabbing man dies in hospital This should teach him not to go around stabbing pubs.
Continue ReadingI hate it when people say …
I hate it when people say “Oh, I’m a vegetarian except for fish”. Yeah? And I’m a non-smoker except for cigarettes.
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