Social services has just …
Social services has just taken my 2 year old off me for no reason what so ever. I don’t even know if his new parents will even let him smoke in the house!
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Man asks Librarian for a …
Man asks Librarian for a book on OCD. Librarian says ” Gimme a minute and fifty two seconds”
Continue Reading‘ I’m feeling very suicid …
‘ I’m feeling very suicidal,what should I do? ‘ the man said to his Psychiatrist. ‘ Pay your bill before you leave, ‘ replied the Psychiatrist.
Continue ReadingMy friend: ‘If my boss do …
My friend: ‘If my boss doesn’t take back what he said to me, I’m gonna leave my job’. Me: ‘Why, what did he say?’ My friend: ‘You’re fired’.
Continue ReadingWhat do you call a Black …
What do you call a Black American Muslim Woman? Pretty much anything- its still bound to get voted up.
Continue ReadingOnions always make me cry …
Onions always make me cry for some strange reason. Most probably because when I was a kid an onion lorry ran over my dog.
Continue ReadingIf I had a pound for ever …
If I had a pound for every time somebody called me a scrounger…… I wouldn’t need to scrounge….
Continue ReadingSo what’s it like to have …
So what’s it like to have voices in your head, I hear you ask.
Continue ReadingJust been to the gym and …
Just been to the gym and there’s a new machine there. I only used it for about an hour, as I started to feel sick, but it’s great: it’s got KitKats, Mars bars, crisps and everything in it.
Continue ReadingMy friend’s name is Luke …
My friend’s name is Luke Hemia and something quite ironic has happened to him. His fire extinguisher blew up and burned his house down.
Continue ReadingMy wife says I give up to …
My wife says I give up to easily. “Je suis d’accord.”
Continue ReadingThere is a man at a blond …
There is a man at a blonde convention to prove blonds are not dumb, he politely asks a random woman from the crowd to come up, he asks her ‘what is 5 + 5?’ The blond replies ‘I know this one…. seven!’ The man is about to ask a different person up because this woman […]
Continue ReadingI’ve decided to have a pa …
I’ve decided to have a party in my vegetable patch tonight. Lettuce turnip the beet.
Continue ReadingWhat do you call a guy wi …
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a boiling pot? Stu.
Continue ReadingWhats the difference betw …
Whats the difference between Spurs forward line & a woman urinating in public? Ones got Peter Crouch, the others gotta crouch to pee.
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