Now I know why all the Pa …
Now I know why all the Paki’s are moving here. Drains.
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
Did you know there are mo …
Did you know there are more nutrients in the cardboard packaging for Cornflakes than in the Cornflakes themselves? In the case of Somerfield Basic Cornflakes, the packaging also wins in the taste test.
Continue ReadingThey’ve just opened a Dis …
They’ve just opened a Disneyland in Glasgow so I took the kids there today to check it out. There was a sign on the gate saying “Sorry, it disney open on Sundays.”
Continue Reading“In for a penny, in for a …
“In for a penny, in for a pound,” she said. It was at that point that I realised the girls in the brothel would be pretty rough.
Continue ReadingWhat do you call it when …
What do you call it when an Asian boat capsizes? Thaitanic.
Continue ReadingMy friend and I went on t …
My friend and I went on the rampage in Poundworld today. We caused damage estimated at around 95.
Continue ReadingI hate how celebrities ge …
I hate how celebrities get away with everything. Parez Hilton can take a picture of Miley Cirus’ beaver and post it on the internet and escape unscathed and I can’t spank my monkey to the pictures without the RSPCA waiting to take me away for prosecution.
Continue ReadingBluetooth phone mini-head …
Bluetooth phone mini-headsets. Blurring the line between the technologically adept and criminally insane schizophrenia.
Continue ReadingI’ve just had 40 winks on …
I’ve just had 40 winks on the train… I knew I shouldn’t have worn this pink t-shirt.
Continue ReadingAs the plane lurched viol …
As the plane lurched violently, I screamed out, “Oh my God! We’re all going to die!” The guy next to me said, “Pull yourself together man.. That’s no way to act.” “You’re right,” I apologised, before switching on the intercom. “Ladies and Gentleman, this is your Captain speaking…. We’re all going to die!”
Continue ReadingI’ve just built a working …
I’ve just built a working catapult. It’s disguised as a chair, so it tends to throw a lot of people.
Continue ReadingI’ve just seen hundreds o …
I’ve just seen hundreds of Chinese people queuing up outside the Red Bull factory. Something about wanting their free jewellery.
Continue ReadingThe retired shepherd was …
The retired shepherd was ewes less.
Continue ReadingI just bought a peak perf …
I just bought a peak perfomance watch..Turns out it only works at the top of Everest.
Continue ReadingWhat’s with all my Facebo …
What’s with all my Facebook friends posting their status as ‘Reading’? I’ve been reading since I was five.
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