My plan for this summer i …
My plan for this summer is three-fold: Learn origami.
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
Just seen that new breakf …
Just seen that new breakfast cereal for people with speech impediments. I think Rice Lispies are going to be big.
Continue ReadingAt the breakfast table th …
At the breakfast table this morning, my obese wife asked me for some of the artificial sugar. “Ok, baby” I replied, “I love you and you look fantastic.”
Continue ReadingSince the car accident I’ …
Since the car accident I’ve been fed all my meals through a tube and lost a total of 2 stone. I’m on a crash diet.
Continue ReadingAfter driving around the …
After driving around the same roundabout 93 times the police finally pulled my wife up, “Are you lost” they asked, “No” she replied “My indicator is stuck on”
Continue ReadingI hate those sayings that …
I hate those sayings that use examples to emphasise how bad they are. They’re as much use as a pedal-powered wheelchair!!
Continue ReadingMy neighbour isn’t happy …
My neighbour isn’t happy that I’ve taken up fencing. Because It’s his.
Continue ReadingMy wife is so attached to …
My wife is so attached to her new puppy. I love superglue pranks.
Continue ReadingI only shave one of my le …
I only shave one of my legs, because when I’m in bed, it feels like I’m sleeping with a woman.
Continue ReadingI’ve got a feeling that I …
I’ve got a feeling that I’ve stuck pins in this doll before. I have this sense of deja voodoo.
Continue Reading“I’ll have whatever he’s …
“I’ll have whatever he’s having.” “You can’t, sir.” “Why not?” “Because he’s having it.”
Continue ReadingI have written and publis …
I have written and published – without the help of anyone else – a book about independence.
Continue ReadingI went trainspotting toda …
I went trainspotting today. I must be going through a Damien Hirst phase.
Continue ReadingThere was a cow on the lo …
There was a cow on the loose in the neighbourhood yesterday. Can’t have been mine, she was ironing all day.
Continue ReadingCarpet: (noun) A friendly …
Carpet: (noun) A friendly, furry animal; kept in your automobile.
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