I saw a lorry turned over and ablaze today. The driver was trapped in the cab and as flames began to lick at his feet, he screamed, “Quick, there’s an extinguisher in the back.” As I walked away with it I thought, “What a generous bloke.”
Continue ReadingIf rising obesity levels are so bad, can’t they just make the lifts smaller?
Continue ReadingA place where there’s no right or wrong, freedom to do whatever you say and whatever you want. Some would call this heaven. I call it Sickipedia.
Continue ReadingI just painted my girlfriends nails. It took ages, there are loads in her flat.
Continue ReadingI just read a letter from my girlfriend saying that she is breaking up with me because I cant throw anything away. It was dated 12th March 1967.
Continue ReadingBBC News: Police urgently seek missing pair? Why don’t they just grow some like the rest of us?
Continue ReadingWhat’s the difference between my wife and a corpse? One’s bloated and can often be found in a fridge.. And the other one’s dead.
Continue ReadingAfter researching this site I have found that Racism and Wordplay are the top two rated categories. Obama’s a Sambo.
Continue Reading‘Cipriani signs for Sale’ Who is going to want to buy a sign with him on??
Continue ReadingMy wife asked me to feed our 8 month old daughter. Hope she likes chips and beer.
Continue ReadingMy mate asked me, “Are you free next week to look after my company if I go on holiday?” I said, “Mind your own business”.
Continue ReadingRoadside accidents; a great place to pick up that last-minute anniversary gift.
Continue ReadingMy girlfriend came home from work laughing. She said “I’ve just heard the funniest thing about that hedge in the front garden!” I told her to shut up. I hate privet jokes.
Continue ReadingMy girlfriend said I should grow up and stop taking her so literally. But I’m 26 and stopped growing 8 years ago so how am I meant to do that?
Continue ReadingI was surprised to hear about the murders going on at the Batman film. If there was going to be any crime commited, I thought it would have been a spot of Robin’
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