I was walking out of Asda …
I was walking out of Asda when a guy with a Vodaphone jacket approached me “excuse me Sir, who is your mobile phone with?” I replied “It’s with me, in my pocket” as I briskly walked out the door.
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
I wrote a letter to the Q …
I wrote a letter to the Queen saying that I wanted to write a comedy play about her life, I got one back saying that she was not a muse.
Continue ReadingI made it my mission to t …
I made it my mission to take cocaine in every country in Europe.. And after 3 months, I’ve finally made it to the Finnish line.
Continue ReadingSaying “I don’t know whet …
Saying “I don’t know whether I prefer Runescape or World of Warcraft” is like saying “I dont know if I’d rather have no friends due to having Downs or having a contagious disease”
Continue ReadingSolid, Liquid and Gas wer …
Solid, Liquid and Gas were at a funeral. I would make a joke, but there would be no laughing matter.
Continue ReadingAfter the N’teenth time o …
After the N’teenth time of my nan ridiculing me for being a virgin, I lost it with her.
Continue ReadingI got home yesterday only …
I got home yesterday only to find the letters “ynasnsee” spread out on the table, I couldn’t make any sense out of them.
Continue ReadingI told my girlfriend that …
I told my girlfriend that I’d been a professional body builder for the last 10 years. She said “Really, you don’t look very strong”. I replied “You don’t have to be to reconstruct accident victims at the mortuary”.
Continue ReadingI’m annoyed with angles, …
I’m annoyed with angles, to a degree.
Continue ReadingWhere would I be without …
Where would I be without my mother? Probably in the middle of traffic, without my jacket on, talking to some stranger.
Continue ReadingMy girlfriend is having ‘ …
My girlfriend is having ‘women’s problems’. She can’t get her souffle’s to rise.
Continue ReadingI was sitting in the wind …
I was sitting in the window seat of the aeroplane when I thought “They look like ants down there”. Then I realised that they probably were as we hadn’t taken off yet.
Continue ReadingMy wife kept suggesting I …
My wife kept suggesting I put my skills as a mechanic to good use in the bedroom, so I thought I’d give it a go. I tried a few things, but eventually I jacked it in.
Continue ReadingI stopped at the BP to pu …
I stopped at the BP to pump up my tyres and noticed that the price was now 30p! Oh well, that’s inflation for you I suppose.
Continue ReadingEven in these uncertain e …
Even in these uncertain economic times, my taxi business is picking up. And dropping off.
Continue Reading