I just tried cancelling m …
I just tried cancelling my job interview with a company that makes straight jackets. But I couldn’t get out of it.
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I would really like to kn …
I would really like to know how Oreo can just decide what milks favorite cookie is.
Continue ReadingIf I had 1 word to descri …
If I had 1 word to describe today, it would be “Tuesday”.
Continue ReadingLIDL. Consider giving awa …
LIDL. Consider giving away a free nail brush with your cheapest one-ply toilet roll
Continue ReadingHad a prostate exam the o …
Had a prostate exam the other day. I am so happy. I was starting to think I would die a virgin.
Continue ReadingI got fired from my job a …
I got fired from my job at the chicken farm today. I told my boss that I put 1632 eggs in the incubator. How was I supposed to know I shouldn’t count them?
Continue ReadingOriginally, God wanted wa …
Originally, God wanted wasps to pollinate flowers but that didn’t work so he resorted to Plan Bee
Continue ReadingI really let my hair down …
I really let my hair down last night. I bought a wig and got caught trying it on.
Continue ReadingMy job is really stressfu …
My job is really stressful, every day I have to deal with murderers, terrorists and rapists. I’m starting to regret ever opening a balaclava shop.
Continue ReadingThe wife had a go at me e …
The wife had a go at me earlier, telling me I shouldn’t keep toffees in the same pocket as my antique pistols. I stuck to my guns.
Continue ReadingIf guns don’t kill people …
If guns don’t kill people, people kill people – Does that mean toasters don’t toast toast, toast toasts toast?
Continue ReadingArchaeologists have just …
Archaeologists have just discovered an ancient Egyptian ruler embalmed in chocolate. Apparently it was Pharoah Rocher.
Continue ReadingI went to a party for met …
I went to a party for meteorologists yesterday. Lovely atmosphere.
Continue ReadingWent camping last night. …
Went camping last night. Pulled three blokes.
Continue ReadingAll this talk about it be …
All this talk about it being a waste of money doing a degree is nonsense. As a recent media studies graduate I’ve got at least three multinationals knocking at my door. Pizza Hut, KFC and McDonalds!
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